Alcoholics Anonymous Self-Loathing

My Experience and Opinions for reasons people become addicts do not negate the need to do 12 step work, get a sponsor, and make amends etc to recover..

There is a valid reason you do not want to feel

If you ended up in the psych ward due to some antics you engaged in because of addiction or alcoholism then it’s time.   Are you done?  There is a reason that you feel better when your numb.  There is a reason that you are uncomfortable in your own skin.  As a matter of fact…since I have been sober over 14 years this time I have learned exactly the precise and many varied reasons I was uncomfortable and down right ashamed in my own skin.

Programmed for self hate

Wake up! Children are NOT born hating themselves. Addiction is NOT a disease.  It’s learned behavior, a solution to the problem of me.

Addiction is predictable when you see the basic psychology behind it.

Children are taught to hate who they are by a meticulous set of programs which they endure from birth in this country.  School being one of them.  It’s all about the “Beast System” and what it teaches children about themselves at a very early age.

Work the 12 Steps

In AA they talk alot about making amends to others in step 9 and that we need to address our wrongs commited in step four.  And they say that we are sick primarily because of our unkind actions and attitudes toward others.  This is true to a point.  All that self-examination by stepwork is very much needed to heal and to stay sober.  12 step work is necessary to see our patterns of defensive behavior and denial.  HOWEVER, and a big HOWEVER, usually before we commited our first wrong toward others we were wronged, horribly, dreadfully wronged and at a very young tender age.

I don’t mean child abuse.  Yes that happens alot, but I was not abused, yet I hated myself by the time I was six years old. My brainwashing to hold very well and I was programmed for self destruction.  It’s a miracle I survived addiction.

Wrongs Suffered from us in childhood

Where is AA is the step work for “wrongs suffered” Bill Wilson?  Ya, you seemed to have left out one of the MOST important issues of every alcoholic.  Leave it to a sick alcoholic to go from one extreme (wronging others in addiction) to  another (wronging ourselves in recovery).  Yes, if we do not address wrongs suffered we wrong ourselves by omission.  We must allow ourselves to become vulnerable by admitting being hurt, ashamed, and more ashamed.  No wonder Bill W. never got out of therapy and kept seeking a spiritual experience via LSD and psychic healers.  And lets not forget the big investment by Rockefeller.  What kind of monetary manipulation was that about Mr. Wilson?

Spankings Vs Assault and Battery Spankings are Trauma based Mind Control

How was I wronged at an early age?  First the generational lack of empathy in my brainwashed ancestral generations.  Which means parents who by their own programming had no idea how to emotionally nurture a young child in their formative years.  Furthermore they did damage to me at an emotional level by violence in the guise of “its for your own good”.  My parents played follow the leader like sheep as spanking was the norm for that time.

Ask yourself this.  When does violence toward another human being go from being “good for them” to becoming assault and battery by which jail and imprisonment is the sentence?  So its assault and battery toward an adult to hit or be violent.   But in our society, with little innocent children who cannot defend themselves, we don’t teach them not to cross the street.  Oh no we must TRAUMATIZE them into not crossing the street.  Assault is not a solution to fear.  Guess what, children who get beat still walk in front of moving cars accidentally.  Yet that story is always the excuse for beating children and showing those children that they are “bad and wrong” hence “trauma based mind control”.

We don’t explain to them wrong from right and that they can be hurt by walking in front of a car.  NO instead we assault them and crush their little hearts and minds in the years that they most need to be shown that they are loved and that they have value.

We teach our children that they deserve to be beaten then we cry “Why are you letting your husband beat you?”  COME ON!

Hitting children or ANYBODY is unacceptable under any circumstances.  And if people cannot see this, its because they are traumatized and cannot see past their own brainwashing program.

Parental discipline with no empathy equals, I am “bad and wrong”.

Why is it women who get beat by their husbands stay with them?

Why am I not pretty like the TV model=SHAME

Next, TV.  TV is designed to make me feel and look “bad and wrong”.  Along with the brainwashing indoctrination into consumerism “if I buy that THEN I will be good and pretty like the models”.  I wouldn’t fall for any of their further brainwashing into adulthood if I was not first ad thoroughly convinced that everything pretty much about me was wrong and bad.  What?  You think this is some light theory?  THIS SHIT ON TV FORMS US INTO WHO WE ARE IT LITERALLY PROGRAMS BOTH OUR EMOTIONS AND OUR THINKING INTO ADULTHOOD.   “Give me a child until he is seven and I will have him for life”.  Look that quote up.

Next Since I have now established that I am “bad and wrong” my heart is broken, I have no idea how to deal with this horrific trauma of emotion.  I must hide myself away never showing emotions.   I must hide away everything about “ME” and become that which and who I think others expect me to be. I must become right.  I must be someone else so I can then be good and people will love me and not beat me for being wrong and bad.

Whoever convinced our world that spanking children is good for them, is nothing short of Satanic.  And what beating children really is, is a crime against humanity.

We need a set of new eyes to get the full picture of what is going on in this country

Most people usually don’t get past blaming their parents in recovery.  And actually most people don’t even make it to the blaming their parents which would be progress, meaning to realize how our parents affected us emotionally and traumatically one must first look at one’s childhood with new eyes.

Most people in recovery stay in denial about their reasons for being in so much pain they had to numb themselves into oblivion and worse.  These victims will say this to the question of why did you drink addictively and destructively. “I had a fine childhood.  I don’t know why I became an addict it’s “the disease of alcoholism its cunning, baffling and powerful”.  And it will stay cunning and baffling to the addict until they do serious meditation, prayer, therapy, spiritual exercises and more to gain a set of new eyes.  And often if they do finally see the damage their parents did to their emotional state they are not able to forgive.  Nor do they ever get to the realization that not only is the food in the U.S. poisoned along with the water, that we are also programmed for self destruction and spiritual and emotional blindness.

Without God you won’t heal. Period.

But clearly,  parents are subject to the same “I am bad and wrong” programming, they also believe in their hearts that they are bad.  But usually they will not know or admit this.  That is why it’s called “brain washing”.  Sure not everyone uses drugs to feel better but then again not everyone was a teen in the 70s being bombarded by CIA drug trafficking.

There is follow up programming called “status quo” programs which vary from generation to generation.  But all mind control starts with the trauma based (spankings) “I am bad” programs for the rest of the programs to take hold.

Think about it, once you think your all wrong then you look around you and say “who shall I now become?”  They hand you your new identity on a silver platter along with pictures and subtitles.

I must become someone else.  Never showing any creativity or authenticity, no original thoughts to excel.  I must hide my tears, hide my laughter, hide my ideas, my hopes, my dreams.  I basically now put a muzzle on myself and my own heart.

Above all things my heart needs to be expressed to be well.

When I started therapy I was SO ASHAMED of me that when I began sharing from my heart and every time I shared from my heart I literally turned red all over my chest and face.  I would get hot.  I was so so sick.  I punished myself subconsciously for a good forty years.  It’s a miracle I survived the punishment I gave myself for being “wrong and bad”.

Once we are good and brainwashed, programmed we oppress ourselves

Once programming has taken hold I AM OPPRESSED UNDER MY OWN THUMB.  Brainwashed and easily controlled BY THE elite to follow the rest of the brain washed sheepish STATUS QUOS that hollywood and media presents to us.

Addiction is a result of Trauma based Mind Control by design

Every addict has low self worth

Once our self worth is squashed by the “I am bad & wrong” programming they then have us by the balls.

CAN YOU SAY CIA?  Can you say MIND CONTROL?  Wake up it’s real and rain.

Proof of trauma based mind control in our country: 99% of people walk around in defense mode blaming others.

Many people are absolutely unable to do self examination, it’s just too painful.

Too many people in our country are on these depression and anxiety drugs, that is by design.  They do not know the many and varied solutions for recovery to happen.  See for solutions.

People are sick because they are afraid as I was, I being who they really are and expressing their heart.  “THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE” BUT it must be the right truth.  There is a God, and I am not it.  Once I share the truth in my heart of how I really see myself I can begin to heal.

Work the 12 Steps or die

We are taught that to be afraid is to be weak, chicken shit, pussy, pannzy, yellow belly.  So we repress fear, the one thing we should express openly lest it grow in us.  We are taught that if we are hurt, or cry then we are weak so we switch off to an even more damaging emotion called anger and blame.  We are taught that it’s a shame to fart, a shame to poop, a shame to be ugly, a shame to be afraid.  Everything about us is a shame.  No wonder we put on a mask, and take drugs.

But guess what, knowing the reasons will not keep us sober.  But at my website and .com are hundreds of solutions to addiction.  Steps 3,4,5, 11 and 12 are an absolute necessity for sobrity.

Crying is a healthy emotion

I spent a good three years screaming and crying in my car the tears I held in and the pain I suffered and held in.

I spent years writing “fuck you” letters to those who hurt me most. (you do not send the fuck you letter it is for emotional processing and therapeutic.  I needed to get our forty years of tears.  If we don’t get strong emotional trauma out it can take on a life of its own and demonic entities can attach to it.

People are walking around with years of pain and suffering under their belts.  Then they pick up demons on top of it.  Then they wonder why they got drunk and killed the next door neighbor for looking at them the wrong way.

There is a battle for your soul, the oppression is by design

Satan IS the ruler of this world.  Except Jesus as your savior and you will live.  He came to give us life and give it more abundantly.

If you hate the name of “Jesus” ask yourself why (if your capable).  I submit to you this: Satan wants you to hate Jesus’ name because it is the only power which makes him tremble.  Jesus is the only name by which men can be saved, delivered, and healed.

If you use the “Higher Power” title for your God you have a form of godliness but are denying the power thereof.