What are the danger signs that I may be embarking into a very SICK RELATIONSHIP?
The real reason for a life long partnership is for HELPMATES to Love and help one another. To relate to one another and show empathy. To bring out the best in one another and allow one another to reach their purpose in life spiritually. If your partner is a hindrance to your goals, dreams, and purpose you may be in a sick relationship.
#1 Someone is saying “I Love you” before the 90 day trial period.
This is a red flag purely because we cannot know a person before at minimum 90 days and really, these words should not pass our lips prior to an intimate knowledge of a person’s likes, dislikes, best and worst behaviors. If we are basing Love on sex we are immature and have not self knowledge. If we do not know ourselves how can we know another person?
#2 Controlling behavior under the guise of this sentence, “I was worried about you, WHERE WERE YOU?” You are being set up for a life of bondage if you allow this crap in your life. This red flag tells us the person is reacting from fear of loss. Are you an adult? Then you NEVER need a babysitter, that is unless you’re embarking on some very dangerous event and request one. Men love to use the “I was worried about you, why didn’t you call me at EVERY TURN” line. If you want a relationship in a cage and need a controlling man to feel loved, well then hand over your power as an individual and allow someone else to run your life. Nine times out of ten women hand over power to a man, only to later snatch it back and then watch the man become their insane enemy. If you need a beast of burden to feel okay about yourself then you will be looking for that line to come from the mouth of your man or woman. A partner should always show us the respect and freedom a best friend would show us.
#3 The words “You made me feel like…” We are not responsible for other people’s feelings. Not to say we cannot have our feelings hurt by another. But we are the only one’s who can process our pain and are responsible for our own feelings. IF someone shows use disrespect we either let them know we won’t tolerate it, or we leave. All we can do is ask the person to show respect, they must make their choice. We must not stay with someone who continually shows us disrespect.
#4 Grasping and clinging behavior. In the first six months of a relationship we should always GO HOME and keep GOING HOME at night. We must never abruptly fall into someone else’s life abandoning all our friends, responsibilities, and fellows. We have worked hard to make a life and we should have goals, dreams, work, creative activities, physical workouts, nature hikes or nature events that we do alone to build our independence and confidence. We should have goals at all times even if we do not fulfill them. If we drop all these personal goals we are engaging in codependency.
#5 He wants you to quit your job, sell your home, get rid of your car or other forms of independence that you have established. Why would he want to be in charge of the things that make you free? Be aware, keep your freedom.
#6 He/she exhibits violent or rage filled out bursts. He talks about his friends behind their back, he cuts people down. Even if you see rage fill behavior or other critical behaviors by him toward others….if he is doing this toward others in time YOU WILL BE THE PENTIUM OF HIS RAGE AT SOME POINT.
#7 NEVER make a decision to marry or move in with anyone before your relationship is past the “we are on our best behavior” phases. Everyone is at their best behavior in the fairy tale phases of a relationship. You simply CANNOT judge a man rightly, or woman, during this phase. Most people are wearing a mask, you must get past the mask to see who they really are. And if you don’t know yourself and have not had an epiphany of self knowledge to he point of realizing your own mask…the chances of a relationship working are not real good. So just don’t make it hard on yourself. ALWAYS KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP SAFETY NETS IN PLACE if you end up having to RUN LIKE HELL.