If Nothing Changes- Nothing Changes. Heart Level Recovery Is Always God Grounded.
Recovery From Addiction.
My Heart is warmed when I remember my first year of recovery. I was so relieved to be free of the drink and drugs that I beamed with anticipation and gratitude. I was scared to death at the same time! I had no idea what kind of life I was in for but I did have hopes, dreams and the vision. I knew as long as I was doing God’s will by being clean and sober that He was at the helm and life would be good…and by God it was!
It is so important to plan goals in life and to have hope they will come to pass. Hope is one of the spiritual axioms (spiritual foundation, principle) that us AA’s depend on to expel fear of the future. Doing a thorough Third step includes making a “God Box” to put all our overwhelming fears in. Early recovery is scary but with the God box we can really let go of many things that we are powerless over.
The more my heart relies on God the freer I am. When I got sober my home was a thirty-two foot travel trailer that I was so grateful to have. I was like a wide-eyed child so eager to do everything that was suggested of me…except; “don’t get in a relationship for a year” I kind of missed the boat on that one. We are like sponges when we first sober up. It is so important to surround ourselves with healthy sober people.
When I met my partner in 2006 he had seven years sober in the program. Honestly, he triggered my over-sensitive raw emotions often. However I was taught by the steps and my counselors that he was not responsible for the way I felt. My partner could never process what needed expressed inside my hurting heart. I let go of blame, focused on my own recovery and began to heal. When I got triggered emotionally it was due to the excess baggage I brought with me. I called my sponsor often and processed the intense feelings of inferiority that haunted me.
My partner and I are together still today by the Grace of God, he is one of the many blessings that recovery has brought me. ”Don’t quit till the miracle happens” they told me. That cliché’ means that we do grow and become comfortable in our own skin in recovery if we do the work. I began chairing meetings at about six months sober and did so for many years. Chairing meetings built up self-esteem and confidence in me. (Step 12) I learned to be assertive not passive-aggressive like I had been for so long. I learned to say no and stick to it.
One thing sure…the program works if we work it.