12 Steps & Solutions To Addiction
Sidenote- for more details read my free Book-“Paradise For The HellBound”
I was a stripper in Texas and in Florida. What a life. First club I worked at was a place called “Baby Dolls”. I started as a coctail waitress. Little did I know I was being primed for dancing. Oh, it was all my choice. But when a waitress sees the glory and attention that dancers receive with the money…well…that’s all it took for me to decide.
False Pride is One of my Dominate Temptations of that I confess.
If Staying Sober is what you need to learn today…do not read this article. I have many many other articles on how to stay sober. I have been sober since 2006. That’s 14 years or so. Ten of which I have taken some kind of doctor prescribed non narcotic drug. Be clear I don’t take opiates, that would cause me dysfunctional addiction and horrible consequences.
Yes we have the debate of nature vs nurture and it is valid as we are formed by BOTH. Nature would be all the genes and hereditary factors that influence who we are—from our physical appearance to our personality characteristics. Therefore “nature” also means generational curses especially I am referring to addiction.
Continue reading “The Generational Curse of Addiction Overcome”
Some background info. Who is AAAgnostica and Tom B?
Read original aaagnostica article here
The AAAgnostica site advocates the book “Secular Sobriety” by Dale K which is a rewrite of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book text. aaagnostica.org and writer Tom B. are an open minded, free-thinking organization geared toward alcoholics Anonymous. They impress on us the fundamentals of a godless recovery for those who need it. (Tom B always uses a small “g”) The website’s “about” page states this: “When we use the word “agnostic” in relation to AA – or words like “atheist” or “freethinker” – we are simply referring to the specific wisdom of groups and individuals within the fellowship who understand that belief in a “God” (of any understanding) is not a necessary part of recovery from alcoholism. They advocate freedom of choice where religion and spirituality are concerned and admonish religious dogma and social prejudice that lives in the rooms of AA. Here is their email if you wish to contact them. Thomas B writes most of the articles on the site and wrote one promoting the book “Secular Sobriety”.
Continue reading “Why Dale K Re-wrote The First 164 Pages of The Big Book”
Spring of 2006 I spent 2 months in jail getting sober for the last time. I spent my time locked up reading the Bible, The Big Book, writing ‘Paradise for the Hellbound’, and praying that the judge would sentence me to Bridgehouse. Bridgehouse (B.H.) is a rehab center owned by Meridian Behavioral Healthcare. I had been on the Methadone program there and I sent letters to my doctor to get me into rehab from jail. He was all for it. He himself later landed in rehab. Come to find out the doc was dipping into his own meds .How convenient.
On June 15th 2006 I got transported to B.H. by a Levy County Sheriff to begin my 28-day stay. Twenty-eight days…… twenty-eight days …. (reminiscent sigh). In the spring of 2006 28 days seemed like a very long time. The days were long and the nights were even longer. I had been in my addiction for nearly 35 years.
What is the best kind of sponsor?
There has been a long standing debate in A.A. about what kind of sponsor is right. The kind who is loving, caring, considerate, respectful, informative, giving, truthful, and assertive. Or the kind who says “I am not here to be your friend, get off your lazy low-life ass and do this work.” Or as one man shared recently about a man in A.A. who “saved his life” by saying to him early on in recovery “FUCK YOUR FEELINGS”. OUCH! I SAY OUCH TO THAT. But it worked for him. It got his attention he said. But not all emotional pain is self-pity, on the contrary. Trauma needs to be expressed to come out.
Granted keep in mind in our scenario both sponsors are teaching the twelve steps and the traditions from the Big Book. The personalities are just an added flavor or bi-product of their Sponsorship.
Why I chose to become a drug addict.
Firstly who can justify beating with a belt or even an open hand little baby girls. We were beautiful and innocent babies who had not even learned right from wrong.
My heart is broken. I spent the first 17 years of my life learning from those I trusted and loved most what a horrible person I was. I learned it from my father who I now loath. Thing is I had no idea what child abuse looked like so I blamed myself for every beating, verbal belittling, rejections, abandonments, and violent strike my father gave me before the age of 5. Who allows their little daughter of 3 or 4 to walk into a pile of hot coals? I suffered 3rd degree burns on my butt and legs for my parents….neglect was it? I remember the mail man bringing me home at the age of 3 because I wondered down the highway with no supervision.
Firstly how in the hell does a man justify beating a little 3 or 4 year old girl. It sickens me. Father; you taught me I was literally disgusting. He taught me that my young and excited hopes and dreams were ridiculous and I could not possibly attain any of them. He taught me who I was. He was my teacher and he showed me I scarcely had a right to be on this earth. All my feelings were wrong he said. All my ideas were wrong. By the time I was 4 or 5 I remember wanting to cut my body because it was reprehensible.
Continue reading “Legal Child Abuse and Parental Neglect Iced over with Ignorance”
Then the other programs can be uploaded to your brain. You can deprogram. The TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE. BUT DO YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO ACCEPT TRUTH? Can you embrace FEAR? SHAME? GUILT? Some people cannot and will NEVER admit fear. And for all I know they believe their own denial of fear. Please also read fear articles on this site. Fear processing is vital to knowing ourselves.
Building Self-Worth takes time and work. But it is a priceless result when we become who we were really meant to be. We Become who our heart screams and claws inside us to be.
The educational & beast’s media system teaches us one thing primarily…that we are inferior to others. The emotional knee jerk to that is DENIAL, hide it away by ego. Hence a country full of people running in DEFENSE MODE.
TV teaches us one thing primarily, the program foundation to all the other programs we get downloaded with “I AM BAD & WRONG”. Hence a broken heart and low self worth==solution==become someone else.
Work the steps. In the fourth step expose all fears, shame, guilt, blood guilt, secrets, feelings that you can see and feel at the time. If you have a recurring memory that is accompanied by a feeling it likely is attached to an even that needs processing.
What is “processing” emotional processing is to get out repressed feelings by crying, screaming, writing, sharing, moaning, groaning, etc. while thoroughly remembering the traumatic events.
Do an autobiography by writing your life story of the highlight in your memories. When writing the biography or auto biography (sorry I forget which word is correct) process every uncomfortable feeling.
DO YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOURSELF? BECAUSE, MAKE NO MISTAKE, EVERY BIT OF PROGRAMMING YOU HAVE ENOUNTERED FOR A LIFETIME HAS BEEN TO BURY THAT VERY INFORMATION OF WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
See we all have to go back to beginning and relive every event in memory to find out how we were really formed emotionally and mentally. Then we must process all the “negative” emotions you were taught to bury of you expect to see clearly.
I say work the 12 steps and work them honestly as if your life depended on it. God wants people before Him who know who they are. How else will you go before God in Truth? Prayer must be employed at every turn of your self discovery. There are all kinds of helps on this website ALL of them having to do with self discovery and how to reach your own singularity.
To chair meetings will build self confidence. After a year in you should start doing speaker meetings to build more self confidence. Or perhaps you have not been beat down by the beast system like the rest of us. We are programmed to demoralize one another at every turn by movies, shows, TV etc while being demoralized constantly.
Get group therapy as well.
Do step eleven religiously. Meditation in Jesus or your own Higher Power whoever you call Him by. Jesus answered my cries and helped me alot and still does. Without God none of this reprogramming will take. Pray every step of the way to your awakening. Checkout also https://recoveryfarmhouse.com my earlier website.
Join a home group and open-up to the group. You have to be a friend to make a friend. Show vulnerability. (true feelings) Express your fears. The truth WILL set you free. (don’t incriminate yourself legally) Share “what happened and how it made you feel.) Get phone numbers of same sex members. Call them and check in. Get a sponsor.
Chair meetings, bring meetings into jails and institutions, go to detox to share your story with others. Get in the middle of the boat, per-say.” Set goals to accomplish that are fulfilling to you. Work the 12 steps with all your heart, leave nothing uncovered where shame can get a strong-hold.
Addiction “cunning baffling and powerful” they say. Well it’s no longer baffling. Make no mistake you were programmed to become an addict or alcoholic. I know I was.
Shame is at the core; it drives us to isolate and puts us humans on the defensive. Put one foot in front of the other. Do Step Eleven and don’t stop doing it. Years pass quickly. I challenge you and myself to meditate 4 times a week and see where that gets us. So what I am suggesting here should supply both inner fulfillment and enlightenment.
If we lie still, chant a mantra of our choice. The demons (metaphor) will leave, they hate when we lie still and focus on finding our Higher Power. Or IT/HE/SHE finding us.
Meetings every day or two a day.
WHY does it seem addicts are far more fearful than other people? It is a fear of feelings that drives a man to numb all his feelings including the blessed ones. At the core of addiction lies fear, shame, and an inability to process our feelings in a healthy way.
Panic attacks, anxiety, stress, shame, embarrassment, nervousness, phobias, freaking out,, shame, insecurity, shyness, inferiority are all bi-products of fear. Addiction =”fear management gone awry”.
Some may highly disagree with the fear theory. They will tell us they are ashamed of nothing and don’t give a damn what anybody thinks of them! And as they approach life through a platform of anger and wrath what they say is in some ways true. We bathe in anger to cover fear, hurt and pain. This is the addicts basic false-pride and denial system born from a core of fear and shame. Shame is a form of fear. Shame is the belief that other people are better than us and will see that we are BAD so we hide. (I do wish I was not writing my own emotional story here).
Please realize, addicts are not at fault for their deep fear/shame feelings. In the formative years of which we were sponges learning the basics of life itself and where we fit into it, some adult/adults who probably loved us (as much as they were able) convinced us that we were of less value than other people. These influential moms, dads, uncles, brothers, sisters, priests, pastures, coaches and teachers were in a position to literally form our self-image at a core level. Most likely they themselves reflected their own self-image onto us. They felt worthless and so we were worthless. At times addict-type parents are ashamed even of their own children.
We wear our hearts on our sleeves and we flinch and lash-out at any remote suggestion that we are bad, wrong, ugly, stupid, or any other negative connotation such as these. Feeling threatened we immediately switch-off to blame-mode and block out countless opportunities for fruitful and productive relationships. We routinely cut-off our own nose to spite our face.
And so as young emotionally defenseless children, we walked around with our heads hung low separate from the flock, prime prey for the abusive and distorted sex offender who reels us in by telling us what we crave to hear more than anything; ‘WE ARE OF VALUE, WE ARE LOVED’.
This my friend is the story of many an addict boys and girls alike.
IF AN ADDICT DOESN’T KNOW HE HAS BEEN DEEPLY ASHAMED HE HASN’T GOTTEN DOWN TO “CAUSES AND CONDITIONS”….YET, IN his/her RECOVERY PROCESS. But this is the beginning of healing, realizing the malady’s core.
We formed temporary emotional survival skills for our deep shame, but our skills, primal in nature have become destructive and push away the ones we love most and those we could have loved. Our slip-shot solutions are destructive and hurt others. We set ourselves up not as equals but rather as better than everyone else. We do this through harsh condemning judgments and endless fault finding and criticisms. We had to find a way to live with ourselves. When we drink and drug then we are beautiful, then we are strong, then we do not have to be ashamed.
But the drugs quit working that’s why we are here in AA to find new solutions. Solutions that do not consist of blame as their pre-requisite. Solutions that will aid in our sobriety and our emotional healing. And hopefully somewhere in our recovery we learn it’s ok to cry. That crying and being hurt are part of being human. We MUST FIND WAYS TO PROCESS THE MOST INTENSE OF OUR FEELINGS IF WE DON’T, THEN WE WILL CONTINUE REPRESSING EMOTIONS.
What do we do? An immersion into AA or any 12 step group is vital. We do a serious third step.
We do step four and list all prejudice, shame, resentment, silent judgement, guilt, and all hurtful actions. We do ongoing step work. We make a FEAR LIST.
We do step 12 chair meetings in jails, institutions, and AA itself, all service work will build self-worth. The more the better.
We get therapy and develop emotional processes that work for us. We hournal, write, cry, scream, groan, beat the bag, share, beat the bed. (There is no wrong feeling therefore we don’t have to hide and deny them.) We confess past offences.
We write a biography of the intense times in our life-What happened and how it made us feel.
Practice Spirituality-Step Eleven is priceless and should be ongoing.
A connection to nature and the outdoors is very helpful. We go to rivers, lakes, springs, snow, sky, caves, animals, walks and more.)
What is terror management theory?
One thing that can make me dissatisfied often if I allow it to creep into my life is an attitude of entitlement. Entitlement is a feeling of being deserving of certain things. My entitlement issues could spring forth in any area of life really. Maybe I feel I deserve romance, sex, Love, cars, boats, money, decent family, certain behaviors out of others, even good health. But what am I really entitled to? More precisely, upon which areas of my life shall I invest my deep feelings of entitlement? Best answer: None.
Naturally we are completely valid in expecting many things. Things like getting paid for a job we are hired to do. Or, to be treated with respect and with loyal regard by those who are named as loved ones and friends. If we buy an item from the store, we expect it to do what is advertised. These are valid expectations that are natural to have. However, the fewer and more cautious our expectations the happier we will be. Hope is the spiritual replacement for expectations.
Assuming and expecting are pretty much the same thing. When we “assume” we expect without having all the facts we should but when we “expect” it’s supposed to be “based in” fact. Some situations are highly predictable and others are not. Some people and situations catch us totally off guard.
that way we won’t put too much stock (trust) where it is unwarranted. People will mess up repeatedly, intentionally and unintentionally including ourselves. Keeping an open mind especially were dating and commitments are concerned will save us from emotional crash and burn. If all we see in our potential life partner is the good, then we probably don’t know them well enough to marry them- yet. Granted there are exceptions to every rule but going into a relationship commitment with a well balanced view of who we are committing to is better than going into it with eyes half shut. Sometimes we want something so bad we white-wash it and then when the fairy tale phase is over…it all comes crumbling down. Addicts are famous for marrying prematurely.
Alcoholics and addicts tend to see things in an all or nothing, good or bad light sometimes. But truly good people do bad things and bad people do good things and even more appropriately,
It’s important to understand and know ourselves in depth so we can know others. Working the 12 steps is one of the best ways to gain wisdom and understanding of ourselves.
As children of God we deserve good things. As recovering addicts, we can’t afford to plant our hearts in entitlement. And so- we cautiously hope for good things and when they don’t happen we keep our eye on the prize which is meeting our maker. And we stay grateful for that which we DO have.