A Note to my Alcoholics Anonymous Family

Alcoholics Anonymous Family,

There is so much in this world to fear. The more research I do on the condition of the Earth, food, pollution, radiation, food additives, toxins, malnutrition due to processed foods the more I am learning about THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS in 2017. So I regroup & choose faith and hope to kwell the horrible uncertainties of the future. My HP has got my back. And I know the tools that bring me back to the safety of “NOW”. Writing is one of my tools. So with all the dangers around me I moved myself on to the solutions just like my favorite AA cliche’ states; “Out of the problem into the solution”. And my 2nd fav. “Move a muscle change a thought”. 3rd “the program works”.

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July 2, 2017

Recovery from Addiction

Jails, Institutions, and Near Death

Spring of 2006 I spent 2 months in jail getting sober for the last time. I spent my time locked up reading the Bible, The Big Book, writing ‘Paradise for the Hellbound’, and praying that the judge would sentence me to Bridgehouse. Bridgehouse (B.H.) is a rehab center owned by Meridian Behavioral Healthcare. I had been on the Methadone program there and I sent letters to my doctor to get me into rehab from jail. He was all for it. He himself later landed in rehab. Come to find out the doc was dipping into his own meds .How convenient.
On June 15th 2006 I got transported to B.H. by a Levy County Sheriff to begin my 28-day stay. Twenty-eight days…… twenty-eight days …. (reminiscent sigh). In the spring of 2006 28 days seemed like a very long time. The days were long and the nights were even longer. I had been in my addiction for nearly 35 years.

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May 5, 2017

Organic Marijuana and Spirituality

Organic High Grade Marijuana and Spirituality

What’s the Link? (article written by Brenda Lane) Pertaining to addiction recovery.

The prospect of a spiritual tool like pot to help enable a spiritual experience of awakening isn’t something we should do often. It’s kindred to going into the mountains, taking peyote, and facing your demons. If your used to high grade pot it will not work. If you smoke pot recreationally it will not work because your too used to it.

First Protection

I don’t advise meditation without the covering of Jesus. Furthermore I don’t even advise smoking pot without the covering of Jesus. I meditate in Christ covered by His sacred blood that He shed on the Cross, and by His Spirit. Why? I would not feel safe seeking the spirit realm without spiritual protection. It’s not wise at all.

2. But isn’t meditation evil according to Christians?

Gen 24:63

“And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.”

Yes Christians on the most part think meditation and even the sacred crystals written of in the Bible are evil. Satan has done his job well convincing us to only talk and never LISTEN to God. Training your mind to listen to God is what meditation is about in my book.

Moreover how is getting quiet and seeking a closer relationship with God evil? How is using the Lords prayer as a mantra and envisioning it word for word evil? The reason to do this is to train our minds to think on one thought and not stray. Once we have succeeded with this we can empty our minds. Is that also evil? And all this should be done (if you are a Christian) to seek Jesus, have self revelation of our fears, hurts, shame, and improve our godly walk.

How to meditate

If pot was or is your drug of choice, or if you see it as a chronic and addictive solution to fear and your emotional condition then pot meditation does not apply to you. If you believe addiction is about the substance rather than a person’s heart and mind then this article does not apply to you and won’t make sense. Clearly there are people whom pot simply didn’t work for in their addiction. These are the very people who can benefit most from an occasional organic high grade Marijuana meditation session.
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April 1, 2017

What is Addiction Really?

We do not have to know “why” we became addicts to recover. If our brains are still prone to obsession it’s understandable that our sponsors suggest to us “don’t ask why”. For the sake of peace in the first few years we should both “choose our battle’s” wisely and choose our purposes and goals wisely. “Out of the problem into the solution” is by far one of my most valuable mantras for recovery.

However moving on into a more mature lifestyle I am discovering my truths and who I am. If I question nothing and never ask “why” I shut myself out to both knowledge and learning. This flipside of the “why ask why” coin is both dangerous and lacks depth. A lack of learning is akin to a stagnant mind and stunted emotional growth. My mind should have moved on into sanity at some point. If I work the steps and get some good therapy.

First let me tell you this. I have had long periods of sobriety then relapsed. My last sober run beginning in 2006 and still going strong. Oddly the topic of addiction interests me thoroughly even today after years of sobriety.

So what is addiction really? Is it cunning, baffling and powerful? At some point we can all agree that “yes” it is. What does the Big Book tell us? It’s insidious, progressive, deadly, destructive and a spiritual sickness or malady of sorts. Some says it’s inherited and genetic. Some say it grounded in our environment.

“From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.” Big Book fourth step.

There’s that contradiction again “spiritually and sick”. Spirituality is in some ways a replacement drug for addiction.
Continue reading “What is Addiction Really?”

March 26, 2017

Bill W’s Article in the Grapevine

From the article posted on silkworth.net

The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety
by Bill Wilson

(Also see: A Letter From Bill W. on Depression, from the memoirs of Tom Pike, an early California AA member, which is strikingly similar to this AA Grapevine Article, “The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety.”)

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March 25, 2017

Anonymous Outcry: “Meditate and Become Self Aware”

Meditate and become self aware so you are no longer manipulated by the elite. This is the step eleven suggestion put forth by both the Anonymous (wake up call) organization and Alcoholics Anonymous known as Step Eleven suggestion of frequent prayer and meditation as a tool to stay sane and sober.

Meditation works wonder of this I can attest. It will both enlighten and fulfill parts of us we didn’t know were empty. And even better it will help us expel ur demons. See link on “how to meditate”

Apparently the Anonymous organization whoever they are (watch video CLICK HERE TO WATCH VIDEO) knows one of the many benefits of practicing meditation. To become self aware is to become armed with many good characteristics that do allot more than just help a person stay sober. Meditation will also show you the “why” behind your addiction, journaling, prayer, and meditation combined with the rest of the 12 steps will arm you with truth, enlightenment, and epiphanies about many things. Interesting that the Anonymous speaker mentions that, “a few thousand years ago we humans were all primal with little intelligence”. Some folks believe this theory, that our race mated with higher intelligence aliens so we could become a race better serving their species. Basically we were too ape-like to be of any use to these aliens so they bread intelligence into us.

Another interesting tid bit is the old Testament scripture that lines up with such a theory. However the Bible

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called the aliens “sons of God”. And that these sons of God breat with the daughters of man. ” when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.” Gen 6:4. Basically picturing a higher intelligent being having sex with a lower intelligence but apparently “hot looking” woman to populate the earth with smarter creatures capable of understanding certain jobs these aliens presented to us. Who were these “sons of God”? Where the “angels” like the preachers say? Hmm more will be revealed I suppose.

http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/to-the-present-future-and-past/anonymous-2/ CLICK HERE T WATCH VIDEO NOW IMPORTANT DO YOUR STEP ELEVEN AND BECOME SELF AWARE!

Click picture of the hooded man to watch video in next page.

Meditation article
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March 19, 2017

Bill Wilson’s White Light Experience

In December of 1934 Bill Wilson was in Towns Hospital off Central Park in NYC for what would be his last detoxification. During this hospitalization Bill had a dramatic “spiritual experience.” Bill describes this dramatic experience in his history of A.A. (1957, p.63):

“My depression deepened unbearably and finally it seemed to me as though I were at the bottom of the pit. I still gagged badly on the notion of a Power greater than myself, but finally, just for the moment, the last vestige of my proud obstinacy was crushed. All at once I found myself crying out, ‘If there is a God, let Him show Himself! I am ready to do anything, anything!’

Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. I was caught up into an ecstasy which there are no words to describe. It seemed to me, in my mind’s eye, that I was on a mountain and that a wind not of air but of spirit was blowing. And then it burst upon me that I was a free man. Slowly the ecstasy subsided. I lay on the bed, but now for a time I was in another world, a new world of consciousness. All about me and through me there was a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, ‘So this is the God of the preachers!’ A great peace stole over me and I thought, ‘No matter how wrong things seem to be, they are still all right. Things are all right with God and His world.”

Bill W.’s Spiritual Experience from Language of the heart pg. 275

In “Language of the Heart” Bill W. writes again about his white light experience at the Towns Hospital. Continue reading “Bill Wilson’s White Light Experience”

March 12, 2017

Men in Sobriety

Maybe I am wrong about men by Brenda Lane

Perhaps men don’t have to have a healthy emotional process like the women I am close to need. Maybe they don’t need to address their childhood trauma or the reasons for self-loathing that they try to mask over. Also maybe they will need meetings the rest of their lives if they don’t adapt a healthy emotional process and let the little scared man out of the proverbial yellow metallic box they have stuck him in. On Facebook I share articles about emotional healing and get bashed by men who claim they have no need for emotional tools. They mock me. And they call me names because I post emotional solutions to addiction that go beyond their shallow and counterfeit USDA status quo brand of recovery. This is for you Mr. Meanie.

http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/recovery-grave-emotional-disorder/ Do men in A.A. ever really address their core reasons for using? Do they ever really expose the scared and vulnerable little man inside? Or do they latch on to the textbook surface reasons to drink and drug and run with them? It’s self-centeredness by god! Wait no it’s “self-will run riot” ya that one is acceptable to our peers. We are allowed to be that person to be accepted. We are supposed to become who we really are in recovery not become some fear based picture that we draw about ourselves because we believe then people will like us all the while swearing off the normal social cares for reputation and peer pressures that all humans feel unless they be sociopath. What about the little man inside who is battered and hurt? What about the shame and inferiority the addict feels. Shame is responsible for the “fear of people” Bill W revealed to us. It’s nearly impossible for some men to get in touch with his weaker more vulnerable side. They have been programmed to hide it. They would rather fight a war than look their own inner child in the face. After all with names like “chicken shit” and “pu**y” and “yellow belly” ingrained in their little souls they could never get to the profoundly afraid little man they cover up so adamantly. “Shame” you say? “I don’t do shame ever!” Hell no! So they use the textbook answers printed by a man who was so depressed for so long that he tried LSD repeatedly as a cure rather (and after years sober none the less) than to become vulnerable emotionally. (Bill Wilson put his history in print.) With the textbook reasons for insanity offered to men they can receive the validation they so badly (don’t know they) need. Well do your work under the title of “emotional sobriety” Mr. Rage that one is accepted by your manly peers. The most emotionally healthy men in AA that I know have had extensive therapy where they DID address their core issues. And “in weakness WE ARE MADE STRONG” (1st Cor. 12:9 quoted by Apostle Paul as the words of Jesus). Or you could just continue with your sex addiction and screw the inner man. But what happens if sex becomes unavailable? http://therapistsbirmingham.com/mental-health-issues/real-men-dont-go-to-therapy-not-true/

“Anonymous” and I don’t mean Alcoholics Anonymous

If you need to know how a person can stay sober click this link. Please know it’s common for addicts to feel they have failed in the sobriety fight. DON’T give up!

This is a recovery from addictions website. But I watched the video below and felt it was so important I posted it “off topic”. However this site is full of recovery tools and AA controversial topics if you are interested.

Click the picture of the masked anonymous guy to hear vital video truths about bankers and the Federal Reserve–a private and heartless ruler.

Who are these people, the one percent who don’t give a damn about the planet Earth. If you have allot of money DO NOT keep it in the bank. If the banks face bankruptcy they can keep your money to prevent it. But you know what I think…they will be brought low and soon. There are beings more intelligent and powerful than the elite 1%ers. Soon these powerful beings who do care about the survival of the Earth and it’s people will bring low the diabolical destroyers of the planet. The toxic waste makers, the food poisoners, the money lenders, the tricksters and blood thirsty cheaters who bathe in blood for a youthful look. They will be brought low and soon. This is my prophecy to the people.

The Federal Reserve by “Anonymous” Click the Anonymous picture to hear the video.

March 10, 2017

AA Agnostica Finally Finds it’s Way to Validation

“In January of this year the discrimination against agnostic groups by Intergroup in the Toronto area ended as a result of a settlement mediated by the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal. In the very next Intergroup Newsletter, called Better Times, this candid history of one of the previously excluded groups was published. Imagine that (Original aaagnostica.com article).”

Though Recovery Farmhouse writers do not advocate any certain Higher Power we do advocate sharing what works for you and us to stay sober. Clearly Bill W. and the Big Book make clear no certain Higher Power is required by AA. Where? “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stay sober.” Granted in the BB Bill writes that the purpose of this book is

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March 10, 2017

AA Agnostica ICANN info pop-up

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March 5, 2017

Answers to quiz “Do you know your Big Book?”

Answers to A.A. quiz
Correct Answers

1 We should be armed with…facts about ourselves
2. What kind of disease? A spiritual disease
3. What kind of list? A list of our fears
4. Bills reason for our being in the world? To play the role God assigns.
5. Responsibility pledge controversy? 2& 3 not in big book and implies debt to AA

6. While working with others avoid: Argument and fault finding-
7. What do we carry every day according to Bill W.? Carry the vision of God’s will into all our activities.
8. What thought should be with us constantly? How can I best serve thee and thy will be done.
9. Bill labels us? Undisciplined-
10. Bill W.’s labels for alcoholics All of the above, below:

a. Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde
b. Incredibly dishonest and selfish
c. In respect to liquor Dangerously anti-social
d. Insanely drunk
11.A careless or inconsiderate remark: Will raise the devil
12 Relationship question: all of the above is correct

March 5, 2017

Do You know your Big Book?

Take the quiz. Find out how much you really know about the principles of the Big Book.

Want to see which one’s you missed?

February 4, 2017

Addiction is no Longer “Baffling” to me and many others

What is “The Cure” and how Long Does it Take?

One -reprogramming of behaviors by AA or NA meetings or a similar habitual fellowship. Two-And you need healing from emotional trauma. Trauma have not yet even identified, much less addressed. Three-Spiritual help from God to face one’s past one step at a time. Watch Dr. Gabor Mate’ vids.

Below I explain these two tasks in a general way. It takes 7 years of intense work to reprogram behaviors. But without the emotional trauma work & the spiritual enlightenment & overhaul, you will need meetings the rest of your life.

The culprits are fear, shame, hurt, false pride, self deception, the inability to process emotions, & an intense denial of fears that the intellect deems illogical.

People think automatically that when I say “cure for addiction” I mean they can successfully drink again. No! By cure I mean, we won’t want to drink again, no desire. Also by cure I mean doing the work to define & find the emotional causes of the allergy and processing those emotional triggers.

People usually would rather call addiction a disease than to admit and face their own debilitating fear & pain. Why? Because to do that we must become emotionally vulnerable. The Truth shall set you free.

Being “baffled” by anything isn’t a stance we should fight to stay in, is it? Dr. Gabor (video at end of page) says, “The heart of addiction is ALWAYS emotional loss.”(trauma, neglect, abuse).

Thing is children have no way of recognizing emotional abuse when it’s happening. The addict adult scarcely wants to process the real causes of his pain especially when its mommy or daddy they defend vehemently! “I needed to be spanked or beaten it was for my own good.”

They have no clue what being violently treated does to a child’s self worth. Or that their own heart is screaming out inside.

The real cure for addiction doesn’t poise addiction as being magically stronger than an emotional healing. By far the healing from addiction leaves one enlightened and seldom if ever wanting to avoid life and reality.

Make no mistake Spirituality is a cure to anything when applied. That’s not rocket science. So, what is the allergy? The allergy component in addiction is emotional pain, shame, and fear.

When the pain & hurt are cleared up there’s no reason to numb one’s self. If I am not in emotional pain my body won’t react to drugs with a sigh of relief. Again…this isn’t rocket science.

Some people feel the great relief when they do they dope. And others just get high. That is the deciding factor. And who wouldn’t keep grabbing for their cure to intense fear and debilitating emotional pain? My issue is this, its so simple like 1+1 why in the hell does the world label addiction baffling?

Because your also dealing with programming. Once a person uses dope as a solution to pain for so many years it becomes habit, programming. And its not at all easy to quit. Even for those who have addressed their core issues of hurt, rejection, & being abused by those they trusted most. Now they have to make something else habitual–the 12 steps and meetings. But after seven years of meetings if a man does the work he should be able to put down the meetings, (The meetings are the reprogramming) and just use the 12 steps as a behavioral guide from there on out.

I said the cure is spiritual and it is. If a man doesn’t include prayer and meditation with positive daily affirmations of his own goodness he’s missing part of the cure.

But addicts will do anything to avoid seeing that their “pack” and childhood in most cases is what made them sick in the first place. Believe me I know the subconscious will to protect the pack. I know how to bury memories and avoid core feelings. The pack mentality stands guard to protect every addiction. False pride sits with it’s gun cocked and ready to shoot down any realizations of intense shame. The ego screams and shuts down any tears that form at the base of core emotional issues. “Out of the problem into the solution!” is only good advice when we are reveling in chaos, blame,

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