Is Resentment the Number One Offender?

What does it mean and who said it? “Resentment is the number one offender”

Bill Wilson co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous wrote the phrase “resentment is the number one offender” in the Big Book.

Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were “burned up.”

On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?

It means that if we hold onto resentments then we will relapse and resentment is the cause of our relapse. But really how true is that? Well at face value it appears that resentment toward others and anger is the cause of our relapse. It seems to be the most dominant emotion addicts have when going back out.

However, I am not so sure the resentment for others has taken the relaps-er back out. I rather think anger and blame in the form of resentment is the survival skill which helps us live with ourselves when we step back into a life we know will kill us. There is actually only one resentment that sends us back out if you look deeper into our hearts, which is a resentment toward self.

But what lies underneath our self loathing? Our self loathing is at the core of all our other resentments. Ask any addict in the midst of a relapse and he will most likely deny to you his self-hate. Addicts carry much shame and shame is at the core of our deception to self and others. Un-processed shame, and hurt are at the core of our addiction. These are the feelings stuck in our crawl. These are what carries us to the dope man.

Addicts suffer from emotional constipation and Shame is truly at the core of that stuck place. Shame is my #1 Offender Resentment springs from Shame to cover it up. SHAME SUCKED MY LIFE FORCE AND LIED TO ME FOR YEARS

Bill W. touched on it when he mentions “emotional disorder” he just didn’t elaborate or realize that emotional constipation which is disorder was at the core of most addictions. (At least that’s my theory.)

Hurt transforms into anger and we can’t cope with hating ourselves so we bury the hate into a thing called blame. We are constantly on the look-out for new people, places and things to blame for the way we feel deep inside. We deceive us and others. We must resent people and blame them to deal with and cover up the way we actually feel about ourselves. The only true resentment that sends us back out is the resentment toward ourselves.

Why do people claim they have a cure for addiction? Why are some people cured and others sign on to the belief “once an addict always an addict”. Simply because they don’t know the cure. Or they have done one part of the cure and left off another.

What is the cure?

Find the core issues of the original hurt and pain, usually stemming from a very early age, and emotionally process them. (cry, scream, write, share). Transcendental meditation will show us our core issues. While at the same time we must develop new routines, new habits, new people, places, and things. Find new goals and a new purpose for life that is healthy. Work the twelves steps and learn how to use the steps when needed including the fear list and steps three, four, eleven, and twelve. Work step twelve for several years or some kind of service work to build self-esteem. And the big one (included in the steps) get a Higher Power by seeking with your heart and stay in contact with that Higher power as much as possible.

That all sounds like allot. Isn’t there an easier softer way? YES AS A MATTER OF FACT THERE IS AN ‘EASIER SOFTER WAY’. But it’s not something you can buy or special order. You can put yourself in a position to get it but there are no guarantees if you do get it how long it will last as your only source of recovery. The white light experience straight from God is the only easier softer way. Usually people who receive white light experiences go on to carry the message of Jesus Christ or God while not doing any of the 12 step work on their character flaws. And why would they? They are riding a pink cloud. But pink clouds don’t last. God will remove some flaws during this experience but seldom, well I have never ever seen God make anybody perfect…ever. So usually these people fall into some flavor of character flaw. Most likely they delve into judging others, get their resentment back and relapse. Then they really hate themselves even more because now they are turning their back on a God they know exists.

I know, sad story…I am talking about myself during my first bout of recovery. And I have seen this same pattern manifest often in others, usually Christians in recovery. Never the less it does not mean God fails or Jesus has abandon us somehow. It just means God clearly WILL NOT TAKE A HUMAN’S SELF-WILL. He will enlighten us, but it’s up to us to go out and get fulfillment once we are enlightened. Hence step eleven and why it works, it fulfills us spiritually. Step twelve builds our self worth, and fulfills us spiritually. Step Ten, well I have found that Ten really isn’t enough, but instead it’s step four that I need to revisit every six months to a year and do thoroughly. When fear of relapse slips in, I remember two things, I have turned my life and will over to the care of God. And the program works, I can turn to the program, work a step. This is what keeps me sober after countless lapses. Sure if I rely on me I will fail. I rely on God, the steps, and the fact that I am being healed and healing by processing core issues.

So can I really call this a cure? ABSOLUTELY! There are many things that humans have to do to stay well. Such as eating, sleeping, nurturing and being nurtured. We do not call ourselves sick because we require food. why would I call myself sick because I require a spiritual program?

I DO NOT NEED TO CALL MYSELF SICK TO BE RECOVERED. THAT’S RIDICULOUS! CALLING MYSELF SICK AND AN ADDICT IS NOT WHAT HEALS OR KEEPS ME SOBER IS IT?

NO. I WAS AN ADDICT FOR 35 YEARS I KNOW WHAT SICK IS. I WILL NO LONGER CALL MYSELF SICK UNDER THE ILLUSION AND FEAR THAT IF I SAY I AM HEALED I WILL RELAPSE. THAT IS A.A. SUPERSTITION AND LORE WHICH IS DERIVED FROM FEAR.

The 12 Steps- every resentment, shame, every guilt, every hate, every prejudice, every intense hurt, every theft. We do this till a light goes off and we then recognize our character defect patterns. I recommend at least 1 page of writing for each offense. Repeat the process every year and when we get bungled up.

New fellowship either church, AA people, somewhere we can start a new social life.

Therapy honest and thorough, we must go back and feel the pain and process it out in an emotional way.

God-find your God

Set goals

We can change who we are but it takes work. So what Life is work.

Be Sure to read part 2 “Is Resentment the #1 Offender?”

December 7, 2015

IS OPRAH A NORMIE?

IS OPRAH A “NON-NORMIE”?

Basically this guy Jack Thomas had a website called non-normies. Don’t go there though it no longer exists. This guy -with a belly full of al-anon and a heart full of deep and painful resentment feels that non-normies… are out to destroy our country. But his definition of “non-normies” includes ALL non-normies not just addicts in recovery. Non-normies to Jack are any non-conformist types who don’t walk his straight and narrow criteria. If you don’t have the conservative right wing, Rush Limbaugh type viewpoints you are out to take over and destroy the world. And now he is super shocked and dismayed that even Oprah yes Oprah the sacred mother of Africa is actually a non-normie at heart. Yikes! So below we have the “about Jack Thomas the author” and then the article itself. You be the judge.

ABOUT JACK THOMAS, a Recovering and Developing “Non-normie”

Jack Thomas, a seemingly ordinary guy with one emotionally destructive compulsion, was thrust into the ranks of Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous. There he recovered. In the process he gathered cryptic data about what may be the largest laboratory of non-normal people in existence.

Jack was addicted to relationships with self-destructive alcoholic women, stemming from his alcoholic mother. Having had numerous relationships with this type, he married a woman with a progressively worsening drinking problem.

The more he tried to cure her, including years of expensive therapy and a costly move, the worse the drinking became. Jack’s Pastor referred him to Al-Anon—an A.A. program for the co-alcoholic (codependent) relatives and friends of alcoholics.

There Jack learned that he didn’t cause her drinking and couldn’t cure it. He could only set sane boundaries. Jack told her to either go into detox or leave. At first she agreed to the treatment and his insurance approved it but, just before entering, she backed out and left.

Devastated, Jack plunged further into Al-Anon recovery, faithfully working all of the Twelve Steps and acquiring an excellent sponsor. Within two years he was sponsoring many new members, himself, while hosting the Introduction for Newcomers. During this time Jack took over the Alateen program, for children of alcoholics ages ten to teen in Torrance, CA, and ran it for three years. Then his Pastor asked him to design and lead a codependency recovery group, which he headed for several years, and soon he became a lay counselor for the church.

Fascinated with helping people recover, Jack jumped into learning even more about emotional disorders. He read the DSM III (The Psychiatrist’s “bible”) cover to cover, took courses, finished his Associates Degree and veraciously studied everything on the subject that he found.

He began to notice more and more commonalties amongst the emotionally non-normal (“non-normies”), cataloging them in a six-hundred page workbook. Also, all of them had large internal deposits of repressed anger that they didn’t want to give up—even though it appeared to be the root of their problem. Stockpiled rage had led to their developing emotionally driven personalities.

This motivated Jack to ask: If stored un-grieved (unprocessed) anger was the basis for people becoming emotionally non-normal, why would they cling to it if it was destroying them psychologically? The answer came after years of probing the hidden agendas and psyches of thousands of emotionally non-normal people that he encountered.

Those findings, along with how the emotionally driven non-normal personality was negatively affecting society, eventually resulted in the creation of the Web/Blog Site titled: www.non-normie.com

IS OPRAH A “NON-NORMIE”? Jacks article starts here.

Our “non-normie” of the day, today, is Orah Winfrey.
Say it ain’t so, Jack. Not Oprah.
Unfortunately, self-help expert Jack Thomas is holding to his guns and conducting Talk Show interviews giving reasons why Oprah is (Jack’s term) a non-normie.

The following is a column written by Jack Thomas justifying his classification of Oprah.

A week ago Monday, Bill O’Reilly did an expose of our non-normie of the day, today, Oprah Winfrey, when he pointed out that during the past two years she has had only four personalities who were even close to being mainstream conservative on her show. Those included Mel Gibson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, George W. Bush and Rudy Giuliani.

Conversely, the rest of her guests were virtually all polar-left non-normies. Those were Frank Rich, Michael Moore, Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon, Al Gore, Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Jon Stewart, George Clooney, Jim McGreevey and the like.

Bill went on to identify some best selling conservative authors who haven’t been on Oprah, like John Stossle, Pat Buchanan and Laura Ingram. Michelle Malkin called her a limousine liberal.

The reason why Bill was doing this segment was obvious. He has written four best selling books, including his current one titled “Culture Warrior,” not to mention 2005’s number one children’s book in America. Yet he has never been invited on Oprah’s show. Mr. O’Reilly was definitely putting pressure on Ms. Winfrey and it worked. Within twenty-four hours, he received a booking on Oprah to be taped today for a Friday broadcast.

Now what does that tell you about Oprah? I know what it tells me. It says, Jack you were right when you declared that polar-left non-normies are all cowards and that they have a hidden agenda which they fear being exposed. Oprah is obviously a polar-left non-normie who protects her caring and compassionate image as if it was the Holy Grail itself—because it is her holy grail.

This is not sour grapes. I don’t begrudge her success, nor do I envy her money. I do envy her power to influence, which is what I hope to do with my web site and radio interviews. But, contrary to her desires, I don’t wish to control people or their thought processes. I merely wish to provide information that they currently either don’t have or have neglected to understand. Once I accomplish that, I don’t even care if it’s attributed to me. My goal is to help normies comprehend the non-normie mindset and how insidious their subtle quest for power is changing our country for the worst. In fact, unless normies eventually do grasp the evil power of this emotional disease, they’ll be defeated by it and, later, they won’t even grasp why it happened.
FINISH READING at specialguest.com

December 7, 2015

WOULD MARRYING A CYBORG BE SICK CO-DA BEHAVIOR?

BUT NOW I HAVE AN EVEN BETTER QUESTION. COULD YOUNG SEXY ROBOTS PUT AN END TO CHILD ABUSE?

You might consider the possibility when you see these up and coming anatomically correct dolls. furthermore scientists are very close to making them highly interactive. They will talk back, react, and have their own personalities.

Would marrying a cyborg be considered codependent and rooted in addiction?

Would marrying a cyborg be a sin?

SKIP TO THE SEX DOLL PRODUCTION VIDEOS

You wouldn’t really have to “work” at the relationship because the owner of the cyborg would have complete control over his mate. Manufacturers are already selling complex high sensitivity sex dolls.

Artificial intelligence researcher David Levy at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands recently completed his Ph.D. work on the subject of human-robot relationships, covering many of the privileges and practices that generally come with marriage as well as outside of it.

NEW FOOTAGE: CLICK ANY OF THESE PHOTOS TO SEE THE NEW VIDEOS

CAMPAIGN AGAINST ROBOTS, WOMAN FEARS REAL WOMEN WILL BECOME OBSOLETE! See the video it’s hilarious!

Levy predicts first, sex with robots might be considered geeky, “but once you have a story like ‘I had sex with a robot, and it was great!’ appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I’d expect many people to jump on the bandwagon,” Levy said. There will be people, however, Levy said, people like Anthony maybe, for whom a sexbot holds a strong appeal. “I’m hoping to help people,” he said, then elaborated:

“People ask me the question, ‘Why is a relationship with a robot better than a relationship with a human?’ And I don’t think that’s the point at all. For millions of people in the world, they can’t make a good relationship with other humans. For them the question is not, ‘Why is a relationship with a robot better?’ For them the question is, would it be better to have a relationship with a robot or no relationship at all?”

To me (author of article, Lori Edgar, recovered addict), It’s not that the act of marrying a cyborg is dysfunctional but rather, the person who would need that type of relationship must certainly be dysfunctional to a point. A relationship with a cyborg lacks the social Love and nurturing which are the human essentials of a healthy romantic relationship. At the same time many alcoholics, addicts, and some normies are so painfully horrible at relationships perhaps a cyborg marriage would be a step up? However, many times addicts who do recover from addictions move on to have very healthy Loving relationships. Truly if an addict works the 12 steps thoroughly the fear of people and allowing fear to dominate his actions should be a thing of the past. Therefore a recovered addict can then have a real healthy long term love affair.

Certainly not all addicts suck at relationships but clearly my own experience shows the majority do suck at it until they stay sober for a few years. Please; this doesn’t mean we in recovery are bad people it just means that often we were not shown at a young age by our caregivers what a healthy relationship is. People whose parents are still married tend to be better at staying in a marriage and not engaging in disrespectful behavior toward their mate. There is a clear similarity here between the “fear of people” or more precisely put the “fear of what people think of me” addressed in the Big Book chapter “How it Works” and a dysfunctional need to be in a relationship with a non-personality, non-human.

But what about just having sex with a human-like cyborg doll? Couldn’t that just be considered an exotic form of masturbation. After all masturbation is a socially accepted act and what’s the difference between having a bottle of lotion or a $4,000 cyborg sex doll? Couldn’t the doll be just another masturbation tool? Think about the many advantages, manufacturers are saying it’s an alternative to adultery to put it in an acceptable light.

There are stories at the “videos link” of people who have actually fallen in Love with their “Real Dolls” and the dolls give them a reason to live. Is it our right to judge them? Absolutely not. I believe if no one is getting hurt it’s not my business to judge or deny a man his interactive sex doll. After watching the “Real Life Stories” below I can’t figure out if I am more creeped out or sympathetic toward the lonely men who need their dolls. The “creeped out” part of me that screams out “that is so f-ing sick!” Isn’t the side of me that should win out here. That attitude is based in a lack of understanding and a bit of fear of the unknown. “Live and Let Live” is the side that should win out in me regarding this topic.

Roxxxy the US$7,000 companion/sex robot is interactive and even has an orgasm! Roxxxy has a heartbeat and a circulatory system! The circulatory system helps heat the inside of her body.

Roxxy has different personalities which can be matched as close as possible to your own. The makers “TrueCompanion” say they have a “Rocky” in the works.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/robot-sex_55f979f2e4b0b48f670164e9

In my opinion the Japanese have taken the cake on best looking sex doll

Pic shows: A Japanese company creates a new realistic looking sex doll. Japan's sex doll industry claims to have reached the next level in creating the perfect artificial partner after developing a special realistic feeling skin and authentic looking eyes for a new range of sex dolls. And as these snaps show of the dolls from the company Oriental Industry, there is little to distinguish them from a real girlfriend at least at first glance. Early sales also indicate that buyers of the sex toys approve with a boom in sales for the so-called "Dutch Wives", that sell for just over 1000 GBP each. The sex toys are part of a high-tech industry in Japan constantly looking at ways to make the sex toys as realistic as possible, and the latest models include movable joints designed to place the sex doll girlfriends in whatever position the buyer prefers. The dolls are sold under the name "Dutch Wives" and adverts in Japanese media boast that anyone who buys one will never want a real girlfriend again. Company spokesman Osami Seto said: "The two areas were identified as really needing improvement were the skin and the eyes, and we feel we have finally got something that is arguably not distinguishable from the real thing." The dolls also come with a selection of clothing to prevent the new owner from having to suffer the embarrassment of visiting the local lingerie department. (ends) — A Japanese company claims to have reached the next level in developing the most genuine looking sex doll which comes complete with realistic feeling skin and authentic looking eyes.

Orient Industry says their new range of dolls, made from high quality silicon, are so realistic there is very little to distinguish them from a real girlfriend at first glance.

The dolls, which are non inflatable, are sold under the name ‘Dutch Wives’, a Japanese term for a sex doll, and adverts in the media boast that anyone who buys one will never want a real girlfriend again. JAPANESE DUTCH WIVES SEE HERE

Top 42 Robo-sex dolls

Humans will be marrying robots within 50 years, according to David Levy, winner of the 2009 Loebner Prize for artificial intelligence.

“People will have fewer problems with robots,” declares Mr. Levy, who cites advances in intelligence simulation that will enable people to carry on long-term relationships with artificial human companions. “Robots will be programmed to be sensitive sex therapists and help them to get over their sexual problems.”
Although such machines won’t initially be cheap, Mr. Levy says he hopes that, as with other electronic products, demand eventually will drive prices down.

Frederic Kaplan, the robotics researcher who co-programmed the brain of Sony’s robot dog Aibo, is skeptical of claims like Mr. Levy’s. He agrees that highly sophisticated sex robots will be available soon but says he doesn’t think they will ever successfully pass as humans.

To rap it all up see the techno video at pornorags.com, “The Top Ten Amazing and somewhat terrifying facts about Al the robot.

READ SOURCE ARTICLE WashingtonTimes.com

December 6, 2015

Christmas Light Tribute In Honor of Families of Those Struggling with Addiction

Tribute to Honor Their Daughter For her struggle with addiction

SKIP TO CHRISTMAS LIGHT VIDEO

Bel Air-area family honors recovery from drug addiction through Christmas lights

This year is the fifth consecutive year the Kurtz family, who live near Bel Air, has put thousands of Christmas lights on their house and synchronized the display to music.

This year, the family has included a tribute in the display to honor their 23-year-old daughter Caroline’s fight to continue her recovery from drug addiction.

“It can happen to anybody, it’s not selective,” Jim Kurtz, 61, said of his daughter’s addiction. “It’s not based on your gender or your social status; it can hit anybody. It’s a disease, plain and simple.”

Jim Kurtz and his wife, Helen, live on Corinthian Court in the Amyclae Estates community east of Bel Air. Their home and three neighboring homes are covered in 16,000 lights for the display.

The display is scheduled to go live at 5 p.m. Sunday, and it will run every night through Dec. 31. The display will be live from 5 to 9 p.m. Sunday through Thursday and from 5 to 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday.

SEE THE VIDEO CHRISTMAS LIGHTS BALTIMORESUN.COM ORIGINAL ARTICLE

December 5, 2015

DO YOU KNOW YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS?

Very important to learn our emotional triggers in recovery otherwise…we will project every hurt, anger, and pain onto usually those we love most. When we first get sober we are emotionally R.A.W. Ripe anger within. Feelings follow actions not the other way around. Meaning if I wait till I feel like doing something I am letting my feelings rule me. At the same time denying and repressing feelings will make me sicker. Emotional balance is what alcoholics often lack. But for now, If we are not walking around with our hearts on our sleeve then we are not an addict in early recovery. The thing is we usually want to Love and be Loved desperately but we continually push people away with our reactions to twisted perceptions. WE ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE TRYING TO GET GOOD, We are Sick People Trying to Get Well. We must rangle in our emotions long enough to get a sponsor and make some new recovery friends.

BLAME GAME HURTS ME AND MY RELATIONSHIPS

So how do we identify our emotional triggers so we don’t blame the world for our own feelings? First we start the day with the precept of “I am responsible for my own feelings” even when I am wronged. Even if I am wronged I am the one who must process the pain and hurt from that wrong. I am the only one who can let it go. So rather than trying to fix all my triggers in one day by taking my heart out of my chest and washing it off. That would be impossible. But what I CAN do and do have control over is my tongue and my thought processes. I can intervene and basically “fake it till I make it” emotionally.

So when I suddenly find myself furious or deeply hurt, my face is turning red and I want to attack someone because it’s their fault that I feel the way I do…Instead I say. “I am responsible for my own feelings.” I write out what I am feeling on paper. I talk out what I am feeling with an empathic and understanding listener who WON’T POINT OUT MY SHORTCOMINGS AND DO MY STEP FOUR AND TENTH STEP FOR ME by taking my inventory. My support group can help me see my triggers by their understanding and sharing their experience and their own past triggers.

DON’T BE ASHAMED OF FEAR

I must be able to admit fear or I won’t find my triggers. I have to ask myself…”What is it that I am afraid of when angered and hurt?” Am I trying to control everyone by making them have all my same viewpoints? Am I playing God? Am I afraid of losing something, like control or power? Do I feel belittled and inferior as if the person I blame directly insulted me? Do I feel I need to defend myself because I am afraid that I really am worthless, bad, inferior, stupid, or anything along those lines? (that’s the most common.)

HOW TO BUILD SELF-ESTEEM

We don’t come into recovery brimming with high self-worth and the self-esteem of an accomplished CEO of a large corporation. Working on the 12 Steps however ALL OF THE STEPS will gain us the self improvement and esteem that we lack. And that is exactly what we need to do to quell the incessant emotional triggers that hurt and anger us at a core level.

Know this my friend…nine times out of ten if I am triggered in early recovery IT IS NOT ABOUT THE PRESENT AT ALL. It’s really about what lives in me and the baggage that needs worked through. Repressing my emotions by denial will only make things worse. I AM NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING! This is the attitude that will keep me sick. All humans have fears and when I start realizing mine that doesn’t give me permission to point out everyone else’s. But it does give me the advantage of understanding people at a deeper level. When I realize my fears and ask God to remove them I realize often the same fears in other people by their behaviors.

STEP 11

We must go one step further in our self-examination process by finding the original “hurt” behind the triggers. Practicing meditation will help me realize what my past trauma emotional issues are. And remember none of the self-awareness is so I can beat myself up or condemn myself for my past. Self punishment never has and never will get me well emotionally or stop my addiction. If it could it would have already. If I find myself in a place of self abasement then I say “OUT OF THE PROBLEM INTO THE SOLUTION.” And I practice one of the programs’ many tools at that point.

By RUTH EDGAR -feedback welcome

If the grammar and punctuation of this article makes you crazy please contact Lori Edgar who is most likely willing to make you an editor on this recoveryfarmhouse website.

December 5, 2015

REJECTION-WHY AM I AN ADDICT?

Suffering Rejection As Children & Adults can be devastating and should not be minimized or invalidated.

Before we can truly heal from emotional pain we must have a chance to express the hurt in a way that is acknowledged and validated. Crying is one healthy emotion. Letting go of hurt is a process much like the grieving process. If we have learned to shut down pain we are omitting the first step to healing. We must feel to heal. Then and only then can we move on to “our part” in injuries and neglect suffered as children or resentments that have stemmed from abuse and neglect. Often the only part we had to play in the core reason for our pain and addiction is that we were not taught a healthy emotional process. We therefore had to resort to unhealthy solutions.

SOLUTIONS

Rejection should be acknowledged and worked through. There is much more to recovery than just staying sober. There is much more to working the Twelve Steps than just writing down resentments and finding our part in it.

We all have a life flow, a Spirit if you will that needs both nurturing and Love. Nurturing includes a validation of who we are and our right to be ourselves. When rejected at a young age by caregivers we shut down our life force in shame. And we hide who we really are.

Rejection can take many forms. It may be direct and obvious or indirect and subtle. (“Your brother is doing so well. Don’t you want to do well too?”) It may be all encompassing (“You can’t do anything right.” or focused on certain parts of our personality (“Stop being so curious about everything.”). It may be depriving (neglect) and distinctly lacking in emotional contact and nurturance or it may be dominating and controlling-suppressing our natural desires and over riding fundamental boundaries. It may be shaming and create within us a feeling of being “bad” or “defective”. Regardless of the form of rejection, we quickly learn that simply being ourselves will not get us the Love and acceptance that we so desperately need.

REJECTION-WHY AM I AN ADDICT?

Rejection injures our emotional healing process and our ability to express and release our pain. Without empathy, this impulse is stifled. In homes of deprivation, we cry out in vain because nobody is there to listen. This is nothing short of tragic. Dominating parents might say “I’ll give you something to cry about!” Maybe we are allowed to cry alone, but not to show our tears, and certainly not to protest against our parent’s wishes. Usually we don’t even know that we have been emotionally injured. Into adulthood we may admit we are addicts but never connect the dots to why we ended up so self-repulsed.

Hearing from our teachers that most of our natural impulsed are bad or wrong, we quickly learn to hide away these aspects of ourselves. We learn to hide away our pleasure as well as our pain; our thoughts as well as our feelings. All that brings a negative reaction from our caregivers is hidden away in order to try and get their Love.

Now we are susceptible to sexual molestation, drug addiction, or sick relationships we have not been taught what Love really is.

To survive the overwhelming pain of rejection and un-met childhood need, we shut down our life flow and shut off the pain. We do this through defense mechanisms that block or divert painful feelings and memories away from conscious awareness.

Defense mechanisms may come in the form of extreme behavior patterns, suck as over-eating, compulsive behavior self-sabotage, crisis creating, people pleasing, leaving before being left, rebellion, etc. Our defense behaviors serve two basic purposes: We either struggle to meet our unfulfilled needs through someone or something else or we deny our needs and detach from our pain.

The struggle defense is an unconscious attempt to correct the past. If we had to struggle to get our parent’s love, approval, help or understanding, we may re-create situations that elicit the same struggle and then strive for a different outcome. In some cases, we may get into abusive relationships similar to our childhood experience. Often we project our past feelings toward the care giver onto our partners.

Ever wonder why addicts relationship statistics are so sparse and unhealthy? We are not bad we just were not taught, shown how to love.

We are now in defense mode not just emotionally but also physically. We repress our breathing. Maybe our diaphragm expands when we exhale instead of expanding when we take breath in. We start by correcting our breathing. We learn deep breathing and deeply expand our bellies as we take air in.

PLEASE, we are in recovery, we mustn’t allow self or others to tell us to “get over it, it’s in the past.” It is not in the past emotional trauma is our core reason for using and needs to be processed.

Solutions to resentment.

http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.com/solutions-depression-anxiety/

WHY AM I AN ADDICT?

http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.com/solutions-depression-anxiety/

Shame the number one offender-http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/resentment-number-offender-2/

December 2, 2015

TRUE BEAUTY LIES WITHIN? SICK RELATIONSHIPS IN RECOVERY

Before recovery and the 12 steps, in a room of 100 men I would be attracted to the sickest and most abusive. This audio has some answers to why.

When is it safe to date after narcissistic abuse? Part 1 By Empowered Love Radio Relationship Recovery Expert Melanie Tonia Evans

This audio show starts a little slow but picks up volume and speed. It turns out to be very informative and full of healing ideals and precepts.

More Co-da and Narcissist Info at Melanie’s Website

A Thought on ‘True Beauty Lies Within’

True beauty is found within but don’t pretend it can’t be found within and with-out. simultaneously Or is Suzanne Summers the only one who realizes the prejudices that transpire toward the beautiful? All humans suffer from prejudice in one way or another. Is there a man alive under the age of 60 that could overlook this woman’s beauty

long enough to hear what her heart speaks? Or how about a woman out there who was dealt a crappy hand in the “looks” department. The ugly duckling is tempted to say “beauty is skin deep”. The envious woman insinuates that all beautiful and voluptuous women are incapable of caring love, and charity . To infer the absence of inner beauty based on outer beauty is what? The punishment for possessing outer beauty? HOGWASH! Are all unsightly women drenched with a kind and giving heart? Certainly The wicked Witch of the West can attest. The rejected and abandoned tend to seek out such prejudices as aforementioned. As for this beauty below? Her heart is as kind as Cinderella and her beauty as stunning as Snow White. Rather than jealousy I think an awe of God’s handy-work is in order. ________The Writer

November 30, 2015

Brilliant Website Artists

Brilliant website artist depicts the consequences of drinking alcohol.

I never play games but this intrigued me. It keeps asking me if I can see the cannon ball. I cannot find a cannon ball to save my life, I just keep trashing the set for fun!! Click on the link below to play the game.

“A venue-trashing, drumset-smashing interactive music video for psych-pop geniuses Celestial Shore.” http://glander.itch.io/animal-ratio

http://julianglander.com/filter/beer/Celestial-Shore-Animal-Ratio

I ran accross two very koooL web-pages. These artists have done work for some of the largest corporations in the country. But this isn’t just web-art this is moving web-art. Graphic design to be precise. Is it CSS or is in memorex?

This one posted by Md Jewel Patoary is extremely unique

The Beer Game

http://guillaumekurkdjian.com/

November 28, 2015

Entitlement, Expectations, and Gratitude

Gratitude is the opposite of entitlement. I have heard in the rooms that expectations are premeditated resentments.

One thing that can make me dissatisfied often if I allow it to creep into my life is an attitude of entitlement. Entitlement is a feeling of being deserving of certain things. My entitlement issues could spring forth in any area of life really. Maybe I feel I deserve romance, sex, Love, cars, boats, money, decent family, certain behaviors out of others, even good health. But what am I really entitled to? More precisely, upon which areas of my life shall I invest my deep feelings of entitlement? Best answer: None.

Naturally we are completely valid in expecting many things. Things like getting paid for a job we are hired to do. Or, to be treated with respect and with loyal regard by those who are named as loved ones and friends. If we buy an item from the store, we expect it to do what is advertised. These are valid expectations that are natural to have. However, the fewer and more cautious our expectations the happier we will be. Hope is the spiritual replacement for expectations.

Assuming and expecting are pretty much the same thing. When we “assume” we expect without having all the facts we should but when we “expect” it’s supposed to be “based in” fact. Some situations are highly predictable and others are not. Some people and situations catch us totally off guard.

Firstly, we should expect human beings to act like humans

that way we won’t put too much stock (trust) where it is unwarranted. People will mess up repeatedly, intentionally and unintentionally including ourselves. Keeping an open mind especially were dating and commitments are concerned will save us from emotional crash and burn. If all we see in our potential life partner is the good, then we probably don’t know them well enough to marry them- yet. Granted there are exceptions to every rule but going into a relationship commitment with a well balanced view of who we are committing to is better than going into it with eyes half shut. Sometimes we want something so bad we white-wash it and then when the fairy tale phase is over…it all comes crumbling down. Addicts are famous for marrying prematurely.

Alcoholics and addicts tend to see things in an all or nothing, good or bad light sometimes. But truly good people do bad things and bad people do good things and even more appropriately,

human beings should not be labeled good or bad but rather just human. And humans have a good side and a bad side.

It’s important to understand and know ourselves in depth so we can know others. Working the 12 steps is one of the best ways to gain wisdom and understanding of ourselves.

As children of God we deserve good things. As recovering addicts, we can’t afford to plant our hearts in entitlement. And so- we cautiously hope for good things and when they don’t happen we keep our eye on the prize which is meeting our maker. And we stay grateful for that which we DO have.

November 26, 2015July 9, 2025

“Phuc Dat Bich” HOAX!

Man gets kicked off Facebook for having an odd name…or did he? Amanda Meade and Elle Hunt

Original story at this link.

http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/nov/25/man-says-he-made-up-vietnamese-name-hoax-to-fool-news-media-and-facebook

A man who claimed that Facebook discriminated against him because of his name, attracting global media attention, has announced that it was a hoax.

Wow! See how easily this average Joe fella fooled the largest media organizations.

“What started as a joke between friends, became a prank that made a fool out of the media and brought out the best in the people who reached out to me. It didn’t bring out the anger and darkness that we often see on the internet, but it brought a levity and humanity in a time we need it most.

“Out of this ordeal I’ve concluded not to trust the credibility of the media, it’s twisted by the hungry journalists who mask the truth … It goes to show that an average joe like myself can con the the biggest news sources with ease.”

Claims that Vietnamese man with an Australian passport in the name ‘Phuc Dat Bich’ had been discriminated against by Facebook were false

In January, a man posted to Facebook a screenshot of an Australian passport that appeared to show his full legal name was Phuc Dat Bich, claiming that he had been accused of “using a false and misleading name” and had his account shut down multiple times.

The post went viral in mid-November. Media including the Sydney Morning Herald, news.com.au, SBS, BBC.com, the Herald Sun and 9news.com.au, and news organizations in India, Argentina and other countries – reported the story, though Phuc Dat Bich gave no interviews.

In a mea culpa posted to Facebook, still titled Phuc Dat Bich, on Wednesday afternoon, the 23-year-old Melbourne man admitted that the name change and doctored image was part of a prank intended to fool the news media and highlight shortcomings of Facebook’s “real name” policy.

In a post signed “Joe Carr” (understood to refer to “joker”), he wrote: “Facebook needs to understand that it is utterly impossible to legitimize a place where there will always be pranksters and tricksters.

‘Phuc Dat Bich’: man says he created name hoax to fool media and Facebook

November 21, 2015

CHARACTER ASSASSINATION ON FACEBOOK

FACEBOOK IS A PRIME PLATFORM FOR CHARACTER ASSASSINATION.

So what is the legal definition of defamation of character and who does it really hurt.
Defamation of character occurs when someone makes a false statement about you that causes you some type of harm. The statement must be published like on a Facebook page(meaning some third party must have heard or seen it). It must be false, and it must result in harm, usually to the reputation.
Defamation of Character Lawsuits happen all the time.

In recovery, if we are in a 12 step program that means we are trying to live by spiritual principles. It means that we have put our life in God’s care and we are making an effort to trust God with our well being. This spiritual recipe for living takes revenge and doing harm to others off the table. It means that when we are wronged we pray for our enemies and try to understand that when someone trashes us on Facebook they are a sick person and their actions are rooted in fears of various flavors.

WHERE THERE IS A RESENTMENT THERE IS A “MY PART” GETTING TO THAT CORE FEAR IS WHERE I FIND MY SOLUTION TO HATE

So when I see my picture plastered all over someones FB wall with lies and vicious comments and I want to destroy the person I don’t Furthermore I may want to call their parole officer and report them for this real crime of defamation of character. But I don’t. Also this is a man that I have done many good things for. I helped him in many ways and with charity. So, I pic up my prayer tool and pray for him. I ask for all the blessings of heaven and earth to cover him. I never argue and engage in defensive strategies. I call another person in the program and vent my anger. I write a Step Four resentment grid that might look something like the following. And remember just because I know that I am right and good in my intellectual mind my feelings have a mind of their own. My heart does not have to be either logical or reasonable. To expel the resentment I examine my own core fears.

“I resent John Doe because he told lies about me on Facebook. He said I am bad and a liar. He said that I have stolen from the most innocent and needy of victims. He said that I am greedy and a pirate thief. ” I ask myself “what is my core fear behind the resentment?”

FEARS

I am afraid that others will believe the accusations. This fear is rooted in my own insecurity. My heart thinks I am not good enough and not as good as other people. I fear at my core that somehow what this man said about me is true. (illogical but real and important to recognize). My carnal reaction is to run to my own defense and argue and send out messages to the people reading the lies. I fear I am not good enough. I fear that God will not protect me and that certain and sure damage will be done to me by these evil posts. My society fear kicks in (reputation), my security fear kicks in because he is also crucifying my business websites as being unfair, evil, and dishonest.

Although I have taken no wrong action since I have resentment and want revenge I now have a “my part” that needs addressed before I can let it all go. So what is my part? I am not trusting God and I have certain insecurities called “fear of what people think of me”. This is why the mans sin angers me and I am resentful. I want this man to be righteous and he isn’t. So I have some “controlism” in there also. Please know that at the same time my anger is just and my feelings which want my reputation clear are just as well. Nevertheless I want the resentment and obsession over it to be gone so I….

KARMA AND POWERFUL LOVE

I ask God to remove my character defects of fear, control and distrust of God. and to replace them with Love and understanding I DEPLOY LOVE IN DEFENSE OF EVIL AND FEAR. I ask God to help me trust Him and to give me understanding toward the man.

Jesus said pray for those who despitefully use you. It is also written In Proverbs that to “return evil for good” is one of the most dangerous sins because of the karmic laws in place. I helped this man and had good motives and actions toward him. He took my charity and crushed it under hate and fear. So me and this man bot have fear it’s the actions which define us, not our fear. Without fear their is no such thing as courage and overcoming.

Proverbs 17:13

Evil will never leave the house of one who pays back evil for good.

My anger is valid and the proper reaction to being attacked. But I am responsible for processing my anger. The man that told the public lies cannot relieve my anger and resentment this I must take action to relieve. And so I have done the work to fend of bitterness. I am no longer hurt by the wrong done to me. However the man that did the deed, unless Grace intervenes to block the karma of “evil will never leave his house” he is majorly squittled. His hate and wrong actions toward me will never relieve his feelings of fear and wrath. By his actions he intensifies his short-comings and he works on separating himself from his God. He is making a spectacle of himself to the people who see through his actions.

NOW THEM BY WHO THEY SHOW YOU THEY ARE, NOT BY WHO THEY TELL YOU THEY ARE

A good and spiritual man will rarely engage in rallying support for the direct punishment of another human being. Good people know that if we are wronged we pray for that person not trash them on Facebook. We recognize that if someone is trashing another person on Facebook it is most likely the man doing the trashing who is actually the guilty party.

November 18, 2015

ANGER AND WRATH

https://www.recoveryfarmhouse.com/solutions-depression-anxiety/

WHAT CAN I DO TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY?

Click here to read SOLUTIONS

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE….YES BUT

Hurt people usually hurt themselves first and foremost by their limited ability to accept new people, new places, and new things.

What do we do if we are so hurt from our addict driven past and horrific childhood that we are unable to Love and accept others? And why is it that a lack of acceptance and the alcoholic go hand in hand? Our parents didn’t teach us healthy emotional coping skills or we would not reach for such destructive emotional survival skills like the drink and drug. The thing is as long as our using (drug abuse) and blame-based coping skills worked to keep us reasonably numb & feeling shame-free we had no reason to stop using them….right?

Why is it that the serenity prayer is an addicts most valuable coping skill known far and wide? The Big Book reads that a lack of power was our dilemma. Meaning when we feel we are not in control within and without we buck, we freak. We lack acceptance when we are sick and suffering on such a grand scale that we block new, different people and ideas out of our lives. We can’t cope with any kind of change…it’s too scarey. But again Why? (Oh I’m not supposed to know the answers to any “why’s”? that’s first 90 days sober AA jargon. If we are going to really be healed of our underlying emotional issues we must allow ourselves to seek & find some knowledge.)

Blame, criticism, and looking for the wrong and the bad in other people and their ideas is the most wide-spread destructive emotional coping skill on the face of the Earth used by addicts and normies alike. AS LONG AS I CAN PUT A “BAD” LABEL ON SOMEONE TODAY MAYBE I WON’T HAVE TO SEE THE PAIN LIVING INSIDE ME. IF I CAN JUST BE “RIGHT” AND FEEL THAT I AM “BETTER THAN OTHERS” THEN I WON’T HAVE TO SEE THE SICKNESS THAT LIVES IN MY SOUL.

I need to ask myself some questions and I have …how long have I been sober and why am I still having anxiety attacks and suffering from intense rage and depression? Why am I having repeated migraines? Why have I pushed all the people I love out of my life? Why am I still isolating and beating myself up? Have I left something out of my program? BETTER YET DID BILL W. AND THE GROUP LEAVE SOMETHING OUT THAT IS VITAL.? Could my prejudices toward religion and therapy be hindering my healing? What can I do to really overcome depression and anxiety?

The serenity prayer and twelve step work are two grand survival skills for us. When we share our story of what it was like what happened and what it is like now, if sincere & heart-felt processes out a little bit of our pain and sickness bit by bit. Telling our story builds self-worth and confidence. However it also feeds our ego and can be a deflection from our own emotional wounds. Step 12 and chairing meetings are mere band-aids covering a wound that needs far more healing and medicine. We need a deep and searching moral inventory we need to address our underlying issues or the infection in our soul will just keep hurting us and those around us. The symptoms that are screaming at me are depression and anxiety.

SO WHAT THEN? WHAT ARE THE SOLUTIONS TO DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY AND HOW DO I APPLY THEM IN MY LIFE? Know this solutions will go against the grain of the disease and make us feel very uncomfortable. PLEASE KNOW THERE IS NO WRONG FEELING, ONLY WRONG ACTIONS. EVERY FEELING IS BECAUSE OF A REASON, AN EXPERIENCE, A REACTION TO AN EVENT THEREFORE WE SHOULD NEVER SAY…I SHOULD NOT FEEL THAT WAY. YOUR HEART IS THE PLACE THAT FEELINGS COME FROM AND YOUR HEART DOES NOT LIE. WE WILL NO LONGER BE ASHAMED OF WHO AND WHY WE ARE OR HOW WE ARE. BUT WE CAN LEARN TO OVERCOME AND WORK THROUGH NEGATIVE FEELINGS RATHER THAN ALLOWING OUR FEARS AND FEELINGS TO PARALYZE US.

SOLUTION 1
Well firstly I need to work the steps more thoroughly starting with my spirituality and lack thereof. I need to seek God with every fiber of my heart and being. Ask my Higher Power to guide my step-work and my actions. God answers the heart, every testimony of spiritual experience I have ever heard or had began with an intense seeking of God with one’s heart, mind and very depth of soul. Please, shallow prayers reap shallow rewards. Then I keep seeking, I go to churches, tent revivals, Unity God-self type temples, Mausks, Catholic church. I recommend Pentecostal church because they praise and more spiritual miracles happen there than other dry churches. Just don’t let them kidnap your life. Pentecostals are easily as dysfunctional as alcoholics. But Jesus came for the sick He said it Himself. People are not on their knees praying in meetings, people are not crying out at the alter for healing in meetings. If I am not willing to take this action to seek my Higher Power then I must not be depressed enough or maybe I have just gotten comfortable in my depression. Depression is anger without enthusiasm to that I can attest.

SOLUTION 2

Therapy, I need to open up my deepest and most vulnerable self to me and a therapist or a friend who won’t shut me down, who will let me show my pain. I need to share my fears that I am ashamed of, I need to share my feelings that I think are wrong, stupid, weak and I am ashamed of. I need to share my shame and guilt. Not just in my journal but also out loud to a human or in group. I need to let down my emotional protection in a safe place and tell people who I really am. The child within needs to be heard. If I was abused I need to talk about it. If I was neglected and rejected and need to share it. If I was sexually abused or abused others sexually I need to share it. First write it down that makes saying it outloud much easier. My deepest darkest shames need to be exposed to the light. I need to get real about who I resent. I need to put myself and God (most likely) on my resentment list. My fourth step should have “The cause” or what happened to start the resent ment and delve into what my fears are behind the resent me. Do I think I am unlovable, ugly, stupid, not good enough, that the person who accused me is right? There is always an insecurity and fear of some sort crouching behind the hate for mankind. I need to get at my own insecurities and express them on paper and then out-loud. I need to accept my weaker-self and make myself vulnerable to others. This isn’t part of the fourth and fifth steps it’s part of a honest and thorough fourth and fifth step. Notice the “(fear)” and “(self-esteem)” that was written in the fourth step grid in the Big Book? What I am explaining to you…the shame the feeling of not good enough that is what’s meant by self esteem and fear in that fourth step grid. If we can’t address this stuff we most likely will not heal from depression and anxiety.

SOLUTION 3

STEP 12, I need to allow the steps to work in my life. I need to open up and say what’s really going on with me in meeting. If I am depressed I need to share it, If I am happy I need to share it, if I am angry I need to share it, I should confess all my resentments not leaving out organizations and groups of people. People with certain appearances. And the big one I need to write down and confess anything I am ashamed of and am keeping secret. I should work these 12 steps in an orderly fashion with a sponsor that will not shut me down. I should attend step-study-meetings. I should regularly go to jails or institutions of some type to tell my story of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. I should do a very thorough step 6 & 7. Out of the problem into the solution. Every day I should shower, put on my shoes and do at least TWO things towards my recovery. I should clean my house and do my dishes. I should get sober phone contacts and call people. If I have an emotional upheaval and think I have been wronged I call someone and talk about it. And of coarse if I want to drink or drug I confess it in a meeting and or call someone.

SOLUTION 4

I keep doing what works, I don’t stop, I don’t slow down. I am relentless. Four meetings a week, Church of some sort (meetings are not church) one day a week.

SOLUTION 5

I learn and practice real meditation. I lay down, I get quiet, and I do a mantra by trying repeatedly over and over to concentrate on only one thought. When my mind drifts I reel it back in and concentrate on only the mantra. I picture each sentence in my mind. If my mantra is the Lord’s Prayer I picture each line, I see my father in heaven I think about his/her sacred name. I picture his kingdom-coming etc. etc. I practice meditation daily for at least a half hour a day. I begin my meditation with a prayer. I can use crystals or props, candles, and incense I make it a ritual. My mind will wonder but eventually I will train my mind to stay on one thought. After practicing for quite some time my mind will naturally empty…and I will hear God. I will be more patient, self-aware, more tolerant, more likely to think things through rather than being sporadic and impatient. Sometimes in the beginning it’s necessary to just moan during meditation. When trying to lye till and quiet because of the negative energy living inside it’s hard to be still. I remember feeling like there was an alien inside of me trying to get out so I moaned like I was taught to do to release that energy. Then I can better concentrate on the mantra and meditate.

SOLUTION 6

GUTERAL SOUNDS

Release guttural sounds from your body on a regular basis in private in your car, alone at home. Guttural sounds come straight from core and underlying issues of the emotions and the soul. Moaning, Screaming, shrieking, and sound that needs to come out. Try it, it will feel weird and insane but it works to get out the very energy that is causing the depression and anxiety. Do it for years as long as needed. It releases the poison from our bowels that we have stored there by pushing down our anger and hurt until it makes us sick.

SOLUTIONS 7

Diet, exercise, and nature. These are self explanatory stick to natural foods as much as possible and to to the beach or just take walks in the woods but get outside and exercise. Get fresh air daily, drink lots of water. Eat lots of fruits and veggies. Sometings exercise alone relieve a huge part of our anxiety.

And remember “OUT OF THE PROBLEM INTO THE SOLUTION”

Don’t stay in the problem spinning around.

REMEMBER NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________The next article works too.

Anger & Wrath “Out of the problem into the solutions.”

“It’s not what goes into the body (food) which pollutes it but rather what comes out (my hurtful words).”

Depression is anger without enthusiasm. Depression is a final succumbing to the relentless feelings of anger. When I am angry I still hold some form of control of my situation even if it is an illusion. When my feelings switch to depression I have emotionally given up. These additional solutions are a mix of therapy and the 12 steps. I have added an example form of a mini fourth step. Well actually now it’s a Fifth step. “Better to save my ass than save my face.” I am past shame of who I am and my human condition.

Anger is a feeling which produces a reaction in us emotionally. Wrath is an action produced by rage that usually hurts people. One thing sure if I am angry it’s most likely myself and God I am angry with primarily. People and circumstances are rarely at the core of my anger. I use people and circumstances as a way to blame and vent. I usually have a choice who I want to hang around and whether or not I am going to argue, scream, yell, or fight. Walking away is a great solutions to wrath.

Recovery is the time for me to take responsibility for my own feelings including anger. Even if I am wronged no one can process my feelings of anger to work through them and get them out except me. So when I accept that I am responsible for all my feelings I can then take charge and start the endeavor toward the solutions to negative and intense feelings. As long as I blame people, places, and things for the way I feel and can’t begin to consider the solutions. Staying in blame is an old survival skill which I know all too well.

Exercise is a great solution but it’s a generic one, meaning it doesn’t address the core. It’s more of a distraction that does help. Start out with some journalling and see where it takes us. I may find that I get the answers to what I am angry at in the words I write. I am usually surprised at the result. If I have deep resentments toward myself or others I do a mini fourth step on them.

My Anger/resentment List

I am angry at myself because I have not accomplished the things I know I could if I was focused. I am angry at me because I don’t get enough exercise, I don’t eat right, I am overweight, etc. I spend way too much time on the computer and don’t get out enough. I neglect my spiritual exercises. I don’t do what I know is good for me.

What is my part in my resentment toward me?

Perfectionism, critical, fear of people(isolating), sloth.

I am angry at God because of the circumstances of the human condition. God won’t give me what I want. I want money and I want to be a success in a new career and I have tried so hard and worked to the point of obsession.

Self-pity,playing God, I think I know better than God.

MY FEAR LIST

I am afraid. I am afraid of getting old. I am afraid of being homeless. I am afraid of not getting what I need. I am afraid my car will break down. I fear allot.

My part in the fear list

I don’t trust God, I lack sufficient faith, (God will supply my needs He always has. And even though times are hard sometimes God has given me so much). I lack gratitude. I lack Hope. I lack Love/charity/Faith.

Oh wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from this body of death? Praise be to my Higher Power Jesus Christ and The Most High God whose name cannot be uttered by man.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

SOLUTIONS

My writing has helped me realize that under my anger was hurt. It helped me cry. I honor my feelings by crying which is a healthy emotion. I ask God to remove the fears and character defects I have listed. I am separated from God and I do feel that separation. But there are people out there who are in a much worse place than I. I believe God has trusted me with His Vineyard it’s my job to be of help to mankind. I revisit my Step Three and If I have not said the Third Step Prayer I say it now. I promise you it will help. The Higher Power hears even our weakest prayer. And it doesn’t matter how long or how short your clean time is. There is always room for emotional and spiritual maintenance.

I remember that beating myself up doesn’t help anything. Self abasement is not a solution. I get up I put on my shoes and I go help somebody. I openly praise my Higher Power aloud. If I have deep trauma issues from abuse I write a “fuck you ” letter to those who have hurt me. (don’t send) I write every little thing that I want to say to them. I do not mail the “fuck-you letter “it’s for me to help heal. Then I cry, I beat the bed, I beat a tree with a plastic bat or a whip. This is the best kind of anger processing when I am in touch with the core reason for my anger. Core anger is usually from a childhood event.

What I am saying is if I have a focus on the core issue instead of “my husband called me a bitch” or “I got cut off at the green light” when I do my anger exercise I will get the core issue attended to and begin healing. If it’s just a blame type distraction from the present I am not processing the core trauma. That’s why writing works so well, the pen tends to carry us to the root of our pain.

If you were abused, put the bastard in the empty chair (literally an empty chair pretend your abuser is in it) and scream out everything you were too afraid to say to them when the abuse occurred. There are some seriously wicked people . Or maybe you were neglected and deprived of emotional nurturing. Being ignored as a child is trauma as well. We are raised often by people who have no idea what it is to nurture a child’s soul and spirit. But you have walked into the sunlight of sobriety. God has It’s hand on you and will not let you go. God, I promise will protect you even from yourself. You are a beautiful child of God. You have suffered a lifetime and now is your time of peace. The peace which surpasses all earthly understanding is at your doorstep. All you need do is pick it up.

November 17, 2015

Recovering Addicts/Alcoholics Persevere

Alcoholics are strong

because of what we have endured and what we have learned in AA. We have felt the depths of despair therefore our hearts can soar to great heights. We have a capacity for faith even though we don’t always trust God. Yet the steps taught us how to rely on God and that fear equals courage not failure.

Alcoholics Anonymous offers us a program of spiritual maintenance in the form of steps ten-twelve. And if we use the steps we stay flush with gratitude and our eye-glasses are clear or rose colored. No, this does not mean we are always happy and full of joy. But we are free of guilt and shame if we have done the twelve step purging.

Men and women who experience the pains, trauma, oppression, depression, psychic and extreme emotional stresses of addiction and then over-come that addiction by whatever means tend to have a much greater capacity for spirituality, faith, and Love than people who have not gone through taxing suffering, whether they be addicts or not. We have come through the fire and now we can rest on the knowledge that God has our back. If we fear we are backsliding we have the program to work and strengthen us back up. “Out of the problem, into the solution” is the most valuable cliche’ of all. The good part is we now have the solutions, we don’t have to return to our Hell. These solutions when done in depth not only keep us clean and sober but are also a remedy for depression, anxiety and self loathing.

For one thing we usually are forced to seek a Higher Power diligently, in which case we become enlightened spiritually and psychicly. We then realize that there is a process by which we get fed spiritually on a regular basis. Either by working the Twelve Steps and 10-12 maintenance steps or by attaining our daily bread in a religious way. We in recovery tend to set new life goals at a later age than most people which helps us to be more open-minded with a fresh new outlook on life. All men are equal as a rule but all men are not walking the same walk.

Getting sober in our thirty’s or forty’s tends to awaken us and our brains are jump-started into a new way of thinking far from the stagnant wasteland of the alcoholic muck. Upon awakening we consider the day. We ask God that our thinking be divorced from self-centeredness and self-pity. We make an effort to help others and do no harm. Clearly a person working the program of AA joined to a fellowship of both Love and weakness are there for one another. Many normal people have basically the same things the best of AA offers. It comes under different labels in different flavors and colors but the same basic spiritual tools are available to most people.

The Big Book and A.A. works for so many because the malady of addiction produces common behaviors and personality traits among addicts. Please allow me the same luxury of speaking in the “we” context even though “we” does not necessarily mean “you”. Even though we addicts have many similarities we also have many differences . I am well aware of that. We do tend to wear our emotions on our sleeves in the first few years of sobriety after all we have been through allot and usually no one taught us healthy ways to deal with our feelings. We have the fourth step fear list which helps so much when we get bogged down with any negative emotion. If our sponsors have taught us the fourth step in full then we have done our fear list.. I have found that I use the fourth step when anger becomes too much for me. Thank God for AA.

November 15, 2015

WHY IS EVERYBODY’S PROFILE PIC RED AND BLUE?

The Paris National AA Convention just took place not one week prior to the terrorist attack on Paris.

I don’t usually post non-recovery articles but this ISIS thing is completely out of hand and our brothers and sisters who stayed over from the recent convention could have been injured or killed. The NATIONAL CONGRESS 55th anniversary AA France Paris 2015
SATURDAY 7 AND SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2015 Just happnened. I hope you join me in prayer for them and all those suffering from this terrorist attack.

Info on the Paris convention

Why is everybody’s profile pic red and blue is a very good question.

France came under attack late Friday Night and we by changing our pro-pic are supporting the French against the machine gun and bombing attacks. Isis has claimed responsibility for the attack.

Three teams carried out the attacks in the French capital which killed 129 people and left more than 352 wounded, the Paris chief prosecutor says. Ninety-nine of the wounded are reported in very serious condition, he said.

“We have to find out where they came from… and how they were financed,” Francois Molins, Prosecutor told reporters.

He said seven attackers had been killed, and that all had been heavily armed and wearing explosive belts

ISIS claimed responsibility in an online statement. The statement said eight ISIS militants wearing explosive belts and armed with machine guns attacked precisely selected targets in the French capital.

It was the deadliest terrorist attack in Europe since the Madrid train bombings of 2004, in which 191 people died. And it came less than two weeks after after a Russian plane crashed in Sinai — downed, intelligence officials believe, by a terrorist bomb — killing all 224 people aboard.
CNN-Find out more about the attacks
Mark Zuckerberg turns his profile pic blue and red in support of France, Paris which has come under attack recently
Facebook Safety Check Helps Parisians, Company Responds To Those In Beirut Asking, ‘Why Not Us’
Facebook deployed its Safety Check feature for Paris Saturday morning, making it the first time it was ever used in connection with terrorist attacks.

Zuckerberg’s Support for Paris

Company CEO Mark Zuckerberg shows his support for France by changing his profile photograph.
Paris was the first test of Facebook Inc.’s Safety Check role in helping improve quick communication during acts of terrorism. The company said in a statement Saturday afternoon: “Safety Check is a relatively new feature and until yesterday we had only activated it in the wake of natural disasters. The product will continue to evolve as we learn more about how it’s used during different crises. We hope to never be confronted with a situation like this again, but if we are, we are of course open to activating the tool given how reassuring it has been for people in Paris.”

CLICK HERE TO SEE I.B.T FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC SUPPORT ARTICLE
Story by Laura Edgar
Sources CNN News Online
International Business Times
BBC Interview with Molins procecuter.

November 14, 2015

WORST TWEAKER YET?

Worst Tweaker Yet At Wal-Mart Oh my god! This is seriously so sad and I said to my partner, maybe she is just obsessibe compulsive we don’t really know do we? Tweaker is a good guess and an obvious appearance if you have been around that sort of thing and know the behaviors. But still all I can do is pray for the girl she doesn’t really look that bad appearance wise, skin, hair etc.

12 Step programs really do work if yo work-em.