12 Steps & Solutions To Addiction
Most addicts in recovery have done things they are ashamed of. That is one reason a step four is so important. The Twelve Steps are priceless for the addict who wants to recovery from a tainted past.
This fine gentleman thought it would be ok to take our front porch furniture this morning. If you happen to see him, or know of him, please pass on a hearty "thanks a lot DIRTBAG" from me and mine and then alert the Jacksonville police.
Posted by Kristi Houlberg on Saturday, February 13, 2016
WHY does it seem addicts are far more fearful than other people? It is a fear of feelings that drives a man to numb all his feelings including the blessed ones. At the core of addiction lies fear, shame, and an inability to process our feelings in a healthy way.
Panic attacks, anxiety, stress, shame, embarrassment, nervousness, phobias, freaking out,, shame, insecurity, shyness, inferiority are all bi-products of fear. Addiction =”fear management gone awry”.
Some may highly disagree with the fear theory. They will tell us they are ashamed of nothing and don’t give a damn what anybody thinks of them! And as they approach life through a platform of anger and wrath what they say is in some ways true. We bathe in anger to cover fear, hurt and pain. This is the addicts basic false-pride and denial system born from a core of fear and shame. Shame is a form of fear. Shame is the belief that other people are better than us and will see that we are BAD so we hide. (I do wish I was not writing my own emotional story here).
Please realize, addicts are not at fault for their deep fear/shame feelings. In the formative years of which we were sponges learning the basics of life itself and where we fit into it, some adult/adults who probably loved us (as much as they were able) convinced us that we were of less value than other people. These influential moms, dads, uncles, brothers, sisters, priests, pastures, coaches and teachers were in a position to literally form our self-image at a core level. Most likely they themselves reflected their own self-image onto us. They felt worthless and so we were worthless. At times addict-type parents are ashamed even of their own children.
We wear our hearts on our sleeves and we flinch and lash-out at any remote suggestion that we are bad, wrong, ugly, stupid, or any other negative connotation such as these. Feeling threatened we immediately switch-off to blame-mode and block out countless opportunities for fruitful and productive relationships. We routinely cut-off our own nose to spite our face.
And so as young emotionally defenseless children, we walked around with our heads hung low separate from the flock, prime prey for the abusive and distorted sex offender who reels us in by telling us what we crave to hear more than anything; ‘WE ARE OF VALUE, WE ARE LOVED’.
This my friend is the story of many an addict boys and girls alike.
IF AN ADDICT DOESN’T KNOW HE HAS BEEN DEEPLY ASHAMED HE HASN’T GOTTEN DOWN TO “CAUSES AND CONDITIONS”….YET, IN his/her RECOVERY PROCESS. But this is the beginning of healing, realizing the malady’s core.
We formed temporary emotional survival skills for our deep shame, but our skills, primal in nature have become destructive and push away the ones we love most and those we could have loved. Our slip-shot solutions are destructive and hurt others. We set ourselves up not as equals but rather as better than everyone else. We do this through harsh condemning judgments and endless fault finding and criticisms. We had to find a way to live with ourselves. When we drink and drug then we are beautiful, then we are strong, then we do not have to be ashamed.
But the drugs quit working that’s why we are here in AA to find new solutions. Solutions that do not consist of blame as their pre-requisite. Solutions that will aid in our sobriety and our emotional healing. And hopefully somewhere in our recovery we learn it’s ok to cry. That crying and being hurt are part of being human. We MUST FIND WAYS TO PROCESS THE MOST INTENSE OF OUR FEELINGS IF WE DON’T, THEN WE WILL CONTINUE REPRESSING EMOTIONS.
What do we do? An immersion into AA or any 12 step group is vital. We do a serious third step.
We do step four and list all prejudice, shame, resentment, silent judgement, guilt, and all hurtful actions. We do ongoing step work. We make a FEAR LIST.
We do step 12 chair meetings in jails, institutions, and AA itself, all service work will build self-worth. The more the better.
We get therapy and develop emotional processes that work for us. We hournal, write, cry, scream, groan, beat the bag, share, beat the bed. (There is no wrong feeling therefore we don’t have to hide and deny them.) We confess past offences.
We write a biography of the intense times in our life-What happened and how it made us feel.
Practice Spirituality-Step Eleven is priceless and should be ongoing.
A connection to nature and the outdoors is very helpful. We go to rivers, lakes, springs, snow, sky, caves, animals, walks and more.)
What is terror management theory?
Why is Google both a Teacher and a Student?
We in recovery like to use the phrase “remain teachable” and “everyone is our teacher” and we had to become teachable to get and stay sober. Sponsors teach us what they did to stay sober. We pass on that information to our sponsees.
Google has to continually study the internet down to the last search and little homegrown website to continue to edit their search engine’s algorithm (the way searches are carried out) to suite all users from corporate hierarchy to the one man entrepreneur like me. The world’s largest and arguably its best search engine serves up over one billion results out of Mountain View, Calif., every day to people like me. If they didn’t remain teachable they would be crowded out by better up and coming search engines. Technology is a constantly changing field.
I just want to say Google I hope you remain an advocate of free internet and open source applications. Thank you for your service to me and my writing.
Granted not all changes benefit big business either as shown in the article below. And of coarse Google is a teacher who shows us how to develop a website which can climb in search results. There are thousands of “helps” with which to learn Google’s requirements.
How 16 Companies are Dominating the World’s Google Search Results
“Contempt prior to investigation is as much a symptom of alcoholism as cirrhosis of the liver. So says https://www.thefix.com/content/contempt-prior-to-investigation-AA-Herbert-Spencer8042 .
But not always. If an alcoholic in recovery opens his mind, he then has twice the ability to help open the mind of those who are suffering from closed-mindedness. Why? He can relate to what its like having a mind shut tight as the locks on the gates of hell. Which shuts out the light of the Spirit. He is familiar with the mechanics of a mind suddenly opening experiencing the epiphanies and spiritual awakenings of a free thinker. He can share the method by which the blind can see.
Apparently Herbert Spencer did not originally coin the contempt investigation phrase after all according to the article found at this link (THE FIX “CONTEMPT PHRASE”).
But one thing Spencer did not write is the immortal words about contempt and investigation, according to Michael St. George, who searched the digitized library of papers that Spencer left after his death and who detailed his findings in the essay “The Survival of a Fitting Quotation.”
“Contempt before investigation” was penned almost a century earlier by another British philosopher, William Paley, whose book Evidences of Christianity contains the following sentence: “Contempt prior to examination is an intellectual vice, from which the greatest faculties of mind are not free.” Paley was writing about Romans who scoffed at early Christianity.
WHAT DOES RECOVERY REALLY LOOK LIKE?
Step Four & Five’s primary result is the sudden awareness of character patterns of manipulation and dysfunction. Starting the day from the platform of humility means we are aware of our personality flaws and can adjust behaviors and ask for God’s help throughout the day. We don’t sit in meetings advertising how sick we are after years of step work and therapy (false humility).
We don’t take hostages or use the cliches as weapons to punish newcomers. We don’t tear down the newcomer to build them back up they are already torn down. Encouragement it not poison. Sarcasm is dishonest and should be a thing of the past. We say what we mean and mean what we say. We ask for help by choice.
Our 12 step work is by choice therefore we reap the self-esteem by doing the next right thing. Having an opinion on any issue outside or otherwise is part of self-confidence not a tradition ten breach. We do not speak for the whole of AA and seldom does anyone have that official power.
Facebook groups are not CNN or the Tampa Times. I vote and engage in National politics as my freedom and right. I make opinions on vital outside issues. I discuss important topics and learn to show respect for others and their opinions. I don’t shut anyone down or invalidate their feelings which are a part of them. Sometimes anger is the appropriate reaction to life’s circumstances. I get resentments but I know how to relieve them. I don’t’ rewrite the English language to suite my views.
I don’t whitewash AA and its members. In any large group of humans there is always error and mistakes. Quality sobriety sometimes looks like a boatload of tears and cries. Happy joyous and free is not constant. There is more to getting sober than just getting sober. If I don’t discover the reason for my attempts to numb my feelings, then I have more exploring to do. It’s not a sin to ask “why”. By exploring reasons and asking why empires have been built and humans have been saved.
There is no wrong feeling only wrong actions. To say my feelings are bad and wrong is to condemn myself as bad and wrong. No but instead I learn what to do with the feelings that I have for so long feared. Stuffed feelings will come out sideways usually at those we love most so I write, I cry, I share, I find the fear behind the emotion and ask God to remove it. I admit when I am afraid. I walk through the fear.
AA, rehab, and God all were and are the ingredients in saving my life. In AA I have done the 12 step work many times and at many levels. Demonizing rehab or AA as a whole would be drastically inaccurate. I got sober at a $2 a day rehab called Bridgehouse at Meridian in Gainesville, Fl in 2006. My therapists were nothing short of brilliant. Not all the counselors were savvy. The government paid for my stay even before Obama care. http://mbhci.org/treatment-services/residential-inpatient-services/
https://aarmedwithfacts.wordpress.com/official-aarmed-blog-roll/comment-page-1/#comment-567
Recently I have done an extensive study on Alcoholics Anonymous. Also I have been an active member for ten years. I refuse to white-wash AA by pretending its processes and members are either ALL GOOD or ALL BAD. I myself admit an annoyance of Club level sobriety which participates in much dysfunction in the name of AA.
That being said in my study, I have found several websites (listed at the link above) and people of reputation and high education who claim Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous are ALL BAD and literally killing people. In some cases sick sponsors have been responsible for just that. Because of my own open minded and sometimes critical views on some widespread AA misconceptions, and bringing those into light I have been mistaken as an AA hater which I am not. I have been badgered to say the least by some less mature new members. I understand these members are in deep pain and need someone to blame. For some newcomers if their perceptions of AA and all it’s members are not ‘perfect’ and whitewashed they delude that it reflects on them. For their benefit I have curbed my critical articles. In the beginning of sobriety it’s not uncommon for a member to attach their identity to AA. Similar to my own search early-on for the perfect sponsor who in my mind had to be perfect AA to sponsor me. Lol I learned early on the ingredient of perfect-program requires imperfect people. All my sponsor needs to be good at is staying sober.
We should go into our recovery with eyes wide open knowing that in any human arena things can go bad and people prey on weakness and vulnerability. Desperation by family members to save their loved one’s life is being exploited full force. We must be aware of that and not automatically trust these organizations. At the same time we need to give both rehab and AA a chance as if we were shopping for a car from used car lots. Pic and choose our meetings and rehab with prudence. As you can see by my own financial rehab experience ($2 a day) money doesn’t necessarily buy sobriety.
WILLINGNESS, OPEN-MINDEDNESS, AND HONESTY are the keys to sobriety.
A new documentary by a former rehab insider shines a skeptical light on the business of high-priced addiction centers. However demonizing all of rehabs could be fatal. Just as demonizing all of AA could be fatal.
It seems that some Insurance companies, big business, rehab centers will do anything to get the money of suffering addicts families, as shown in the following article: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/05/02/the-million-dollar-rehab-racket-that-drains-family-savings.html
The centers “paint this picture that they’re going to fix everything. These families in crisis are so vulnerable, and they want to believe what they hear.”
But in truth, Horvath says, the biggest motive of rehab facilities, some of which charged upwards of $50,000 a month, was simpler still: profit. One rehab he worked with, he said, had an employee whose job was to guide families through the process of refinancing their home to pay the tens of thousands of dollars charged for treatment.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/catferguson/the-rehab-scam
I believe big money is trying it’s best to sabotage and discredit AA so they can profit from our pain per-say. And that they are behind many of these negative websites and are using disgruntled AAers to their advantage. Granted these disgruntled often have truly been wronged by members. However like addicts do they have gone to an extreme about AA. And if it is big business behind many of these sites since Obama care agreed to pay for rehab, they are not doing a very good job of discrediting AA. God is the author and finisher of AA in my opinion.
“Take it easy, don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy. Lighten up while you still can don’t even try to understand, just find A place and make your stand and take it easy yee ha!” This line has helped me lighten up on myself many times. It is basically saying the same thing to me as the unwritten rule 62 in AA “don’t take yourself so damn seriously!” I gotta say I have never ever cried over the loss of someone I didn’t know personally. But I am crying now. Listen to the song “Take it Easy” and “Hotel California” now.
CLICK TO SEE/HEAR “TAKE IT EASY”
CLICK TO HEAR “HOTEL CALIFORNIA” Hotel California Glenn Frye (front right guitarist), Don Henley, Joe Walsh and the gang.
One of the founding members of the Eagles, Glenn Frey, died today in New York City, his family and bandmates announced on the band’s website.
He was 67.
According to the statement from his loved ones and colleagues, Frey’s death was caused by complications from rheumatoid arthritis, acute ulcerative colitis and pneumonia.
“The Frey family would like to thank everyone who joined Glenn to fight this fight and hoped and prayed for his recovery,” read a statement on the Eagles’ website. “Words can neither describe our sorrow nor our love and respect for all that he has given to us, his family, the music community and millions of fans worldwide.”
A Detroit native, Frey met Don Henley when they were in their 20s and new to the music business. Soon after, they formed the Eagles with Randy Meisner and Bernie Leadon, quickly becoming one of the most popular rock bands of all time, with hits including “Take It Easy,” “Desperado,” and “Hotel California.” (Meisner was replaced by Timothy B. Schmit in 1977 and Joe Walsh took over for Leadon in 1975.) ABC NEWS click here to read entire article abc.com
Bill and Lois Wilson the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-anon tell their story
There is an unwritten rule in AA that is not without merit. “No sex for the first year sober” is the suggestion. Unwritten indeed. The rule teeters on a scale defined as either a beneficial and spiritual quest or controlling and insane demand depending on the context by which it is administered. Granted the “no sex” rule is not as well established as the “no relationships” for the first year rule. But admittedly they are similar, and sex can be huge distraction in early sobriety that leads directly to the cliff called “relationships”. After all a sexual relationship is still a relationship.
How can the rule of no sex for a year be potentially either spiritual or character defect both? It is a spiritual quest if we choose it to stay clear of distractions and deny the flesh to empower the spirit. And it is a decision I can change at any time preferably without being called an evil 13th stepper. If someone is demanding that I “stop all sex for a year” no questions asked and insisting I won’t stay sober if I have sex as a blanket rule for everyone…well then it’s insanity because there are a host of circumstances in life which could prove that newly sober sexual relationships can work. It depends on the person and the situation. Perhaps I enter the rooms married, or maybe I meet my soul mate in the rooms. Him with 13 years sober and me 13 days sober. We fall deeply in love and are still together many years later, in harmony. And yet the frigid and judgmental call it a 13th step. The most horrid of the AA offences, that is other than relapse.
In the words of our great guru, king of the 12 steps, validator of the suffering addict, Bill W. himself. “We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct.” Well you sure as hell could of fooled me! If “we” means the people at meetings I have been to that is. Seems to me the rule forbidding sex in the first year of recovery supersedes many of the more important sobriety suggestions. And Bill W. continues: “We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.” He goes on to mention that “everyone has sex problems.” I am sure that’s true also for the majority of humans, eventually.
Yes ironically, since the word “religion” is by far the most evil word in the AA pirate dictionary.
And the interesting part about all this shame inducing sex talk? We hear a very similar message echoing from the pulpit of many churches. Even though the Bible itself doesn’t talk much about sex. But rather the Bible condemns the betrayal called adultery. The word “fornication” in my opinion implies ‘betrayal’ and some sort of hurtfulness not sex alone. Let consenting adults alone with their consensual sex. Why, with all the violence, torture, abuse, murders, maiming, and molestation happening does an act of sexual harmony rate being called sin? Only for the misguided, clearly only for the misguided. Common sense tells me that harmonious sex is no more a sin than eating food. Sex is right there in line with eat, sleep, drink water, have sex, have babies, and breath air. Granted I am not referring to sex abuse that my friend is another mater.
What is addiction in the arena of substance abuse? Addiction means un-manageability. That is the difference between using a drug to help us and abusing a drug to hurt us. But don’t think you escape un-manageability just because your sober. ha ha ha ha
Recovery happens when we go to meetings and do the work regardless of whether we are having sex with a newcomer who by the way used to be a prostitute. The program works if we work it. If you have sex you still make your meetings. If you have sex with a newcomer you still make your meetings and if the newcomer doesn’t make his or her meetings, well that’s on them isn’t it?
We are adults, we make our own choices. Newcomers make their own choices. Some programs like to take away the power of choice, even imprison or restrain adults but Alcoholics Anonymous is not one of them and the literature proves it.
The Addicts Prayer
If the above prayer makes you nauseous then you may not be a child of that God. It’s your choice to pray the following prayer instead.
HOW TO TRULY FIND AND CONNECT WITH YOUR OWN HIGHER POWER