Recovery from Grave Emotional Disorder
THERE IS A GOD AND I’M NOT IT!
WE DO NOT HAVE TO STAY IN DENIAL ABOUT OUR DEFECTS OF CHARACTER, WE DO NOT TAKE INVENTORY TO BEAT OURSELVES UP. WE DEVELOPED OUR CHARACTER DEFECTS AS AN INSTINCT TO SURVIVE EMOTIONALLY. WE NOW HAVE THE TOOLS TO CHANGE…BUT FEW CHANGES WILL COME WITHOUT COURAGEOUS SELF-APPRAISAL.
Most parents don’t have any idea what emotional nurturing is. First instinct when we hear this parental blight is to protect the pack. The pack are usually the very people (family) who inadvertently taught us to shut down who we really are. Grave emotional disorder is at the core of addictive personalities. “Grave disorder(How it Works)” is basically constipated and stifled emotions. We addicts often learned how not to cry and how not to share our heart. We learned to wear a mask and hide who we are so we wouldn’t get hurt. So we thought. If your emotions are healthy and happy then why in the hell did you try to drink and drug yourself to death? Come on now. Oh right you did it because of an innate gene pool. Well then for you there could be no cure. But for those of us who have learned a twisted set of emotional responses and survival tactics. We can unlearn them. You can’t swim your way out of a gene pool.
We in AA have identified an array of character defects that are the culprits of our addictive patterns. Among these are the inclination to control everyone and everything around us. Some of us are painfully controlling while others are more passive-aggressive with their scheming. Our defects cause friends and family to run from us like we are ravenous wolves.
Some of us have learned to use other people’s control defect to our advantage. We can passively control others by handing over a certain amount of our own power to them.
Ah yes how we can puff up a gentlemen’s ego by asking him to make our choices for us. Handing over our decision making is a perfect way for a damsel to relinquish responsibility for any consequences of that decision. At the same time, it makes our Knight in shining armor feel so powerful and smart that he is more than willing to help us. The problem is the Knight is weaving his own manipulation, there are many invisible strings attached to his assistance.
When we snatch our power back and the knight inevitably becomes disturbed we will just label him possessive and take out a restraining order. Yikes! Don’t try this at home!
The damsel and the gentlemen is just one example of controlling behavior. We have all seen those who are painfully controlling, they are the one’s running around like directors on a movie screen. When the movie doesn’t play out like they want it to, they promptly fall apart or get very angry and spin around a bit screaming and yelling. Take controlism up another notch and you have obsessive compulsive disorder.
The fact is if resentment is rearing its ugly head you can bet there is a fear at the heart of it. (Pg.417 BB) Getting in touch with one’s own “God syndrome” is important during a fourth step. Once we have established the identity of our controlling side we can use that knowledge in all our tenth steps. Contrary to popular portrayal in The Rooms resentments do crop up and it doesn’t mean we are not “working a program”. People can be ass-holes and they are going to piss us off. Getting a resentment lets us know we are still [feeling] and still sober. Holding on to resentment is dangerous and can result in misery if not checked.
Finding the part of us who wants to play god doesn’t happen for everybody. Some sober people just never get it…the blame game worked for them for so long they are just incapable of trying a healthy solution. You will find them engaging in numerous sick relationships with train wreck break-ups that are never their fault.
The steps are in order for a reason meaning the third step must be done before a fourth will have that supernatural kick. With God’s help the revelation of self will happen during our fourth step.
If we realize our resentments are rooted in wanting to control other adults and the fear that accompanies a of lack of power pg. 45 Big Book then join the club, but consider yourself blessed you already know yourself better than many
Absolutely Hilarious!
Puppy Caught eating paper decides killing the witness is the only way out.
Click the white dog pic to see hilarious video.
You’re Right Where You’re Supposed to Be.
You’re Right Where You’re supposed to be.
Link to Twelve Step Prayers.
Your Right Where Your Supposed to Be
So many times during the first two years of recovery I felt as if I was somehow doing something wrong in my recovery or that something was not right with my progress. I used to feel like my feelings themselves where wrong. Especially if I was sad or fearful, on the edge of depression or angry. I was fortunate to have effective group therapy which when combined with Alcoholics Anonymous kept me and several of my rehab-mates sober for a very long time. We all had sexual abuse in our past and took our addiction to places we were ashamed of. But I learned THERE IS NO WRONG FEELING, EVER.
It’s completely normal to go through an emotional rollercoaster ride in the first couple years of sobriety.
Continue reading “You’re Right Where You’re Supposed to Be.”
Oprah The Magic of Gratitude
Please click the picture to see the precious video.
Oprah sits down with award-winning filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg to discuss his time-lapse nature photography and the inherent spirituality revealed through nature. Louie, whose TED talk on gratitude has been viewed more than 6 million times, captures breathtaking images on film that are often unseen by the naked eye and that celebrate the gift of life.
As Oprah and Louie view some of his most magnificent work, they discuss how nature can act as one of our greatest spiritual teachers. A firm believer that beauty is nature’s tool for survival, Louie also shares how the awe of seeing nature can make one more present and mindful and can help us connect to our inner voice. By allowing viewers to see that which can’t be seen, Louie hopes to cultivate gratitude and an awareness that nature is a reflection of the human experience.
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When Will My Loved One Finally Hit Their Bottom?
“The Mystery of the Unpredictable Bottom”
No one absolutely no one knows when they or anyone else will hit the emotional bottom that it takes to get sober. Getting clean and sober is no easy task.
However, if we have hit a nasty emotional bottom, it usually causes a deep and lingering fear within us of returning to the horrible drink and drug that planted our guilt. That fear in itself can supply the momentum needed to stay sober long enough to get a sponsor and work the steps. Unfortunately we never know when that bottom will appear. We never know when a loved one will have had enough.
Sometime the fear of going back out hangs onto to us even after years of sobriety. Reason being most of us have relapsed so many times we just don’t trust ourselves. Think about it, even if another man betrays us we never fully trust him again. We do this same thing to ourselves (most of us) by setting out to stay sober over and over and failing miserably. Therefore we tend to feel we are on really shaky ground even after years of sobriety. As a solution for that fear I would tell myself. “Self, it’s not you that is keeping you sober, you are relying on the program now, as long as you work the program, the program works! You will not relapse. I knew it worked because I heard testimony upon testimony of just that in meetings.
Typically with addicts we may feel extremely guilty and remorseful about the the debauchery of the night before and quit for a day or two. But unfortunately again addicts forget so quickly the pain of a hangover or the pain of withdraw symptoms until directly after the next benge.
What the program does if we work it is remind us of the pain we have been through so its not so easy to justify that first drink or first drug. Therefore, the rationalization and memory lapses that are required to get drunk again do not happen as readily.
So many times we addicts get sober then hope and pray our loved ones will follow suit. We think if we just share what worked for us surely they will take the same route. Why wouldn’t they? We think. But very seldom do they follow suit until they finally hit their own pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
The more we harp on them to stay sober and preach to them about what worked for us the more it pushes our loved ones away.
So we pray “God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Father Martin-Gratitude
Gratitude “The Queen of the virtues”
“Gratitude is the only coin by which man can buy God. The most appropriate depiction of addiction is soul sickness.” Denial is a prostitution of the soul.” “You cannot trample on your conscious without pain.” He tells a joke. WOW THIS MAN CAN PREACH AA!
Published on Dec 17, 2012
Father Martin speaks about “Gratitude” in this video in such an effective way. Allow someone to view this with you so that they can get the information that they need especially if they are in need of support.
“Fair Use” Section 107 through 118 of the copyright law title 17 U.S. Code for educational purposes
Published on Dec 18, 2012
Sharing such treasures like this is important. In this video Father Martin speaks about the importance of “Forgiveness” in the “Recovery” process. Hope that you get something out of watching this like thousands of other people in recovery has.
Meet Sober Dog
Meet Sober Dog
He’s FINE at 90 days sober. Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. He is also going to be a drug counselor to the stars.
click to enlarge
How To Become Who You Really Are
Get To Work! We are all programmed to become who the system wants us to be. But first demoralization at heart level must take place in the child.
Then the other programs can be uploaded to your brain. You can deprogram. The TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE. BUT DO YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO ACCEPT TRUTH? Can you embrace FEAR? SHAME? GUILT? Some people cannot and will NEVER admit fear. And for all I know they believe their own denial of fear. Please also read fear articles on this site. Fear processing is vital to knowing ourselves.
Building Self-Worth takes time and work. But it is a priceless result when we become who we were really meant to be. We Become who our heart screams and claws inside us to be.
The educational & beast’s media system teaches us one thing primarily…that we are inferior to others. The emotional knee jerk to that is DENIAL, hide it away by ego. Hence a country full of people running in DEFENSE MODE.
TV teaches us one thing primarily, the program foundation to all the other programs we get downloaded with “I AM BAD & WRONG”. Hence a broken heart and low self worth==solution==become someone else.
Work the steps. In the fourth step expose all fears, shame, guilt, blood guilt, secrets, feelings that you can see and feel at the time. If you have a recurring memory that is accompanied by a feeling it likely is attached to an even that needs processing.
What is “processing” emotional processing is to get out repressed feelings by crying, screaming, writing, sharing, moaning, groaning, etc. while thoroughly remembering the traumatic events.
Do an autobiography by writing your life story of the highlight in your memories. When writing the biography or auto biography (sorry I forget which word is correct) process every uncomfortable feeling.
DO YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOURSELF? BECAUSE, MAKE NO MISTAKE, EVERY BIT OF PROGRAMMING YOU HAVE ENOUNTERED FOR A LIFETIME HAS BEEN TO BURY THAT VERY INFORMATION OF WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
See we all have to go back to beginning and relive every event in memory to find out how we were really formed emotionally and mentally. Then we must process all the “negative” emotions you were taught to bury of you expect to see clearly.
I say work the 12 steps and work them honestly as if your life depended on it. God wants people before Him who know who they are. How else will you go before God in Truth? Prayer must be employed at every turn of your self discovery. There are all kinds of helps on this website ALL of them having to do with self discovery and how to reach your own singularity.
To chair meetings will build self confidence. After a year in you should start doing speaker meetings to build more self confidence. Or perhaps you have not been beat down by the beast system like the rest of us. We are programmed to demoralize one another at every turn by movies, shows, TV etc while being demoralized constantly.
Get group therapy as well.
Do step eleven religiously. Meditation in Jesus or your own Higher Power whoever you call Him by. Jesus answered my cries and helped me alot and still does. Without God none of this reprogramming will take. Pray every step of the way to your awakening. Checkout also https://recoveryfarmhouse.com my earlier website.
Join a home group and open-up to the group. You have to be a friend to make a friend. Show vulnerability. (true feelings) Express your fears. The truth WILL set you free. (don’t incriminate yourself legally) Share “what happened and how it made you feel.) Get phone numbers of same sex members. Call them and check in. Get a sponsor.
Chair meetings, bring meetings into jails and institutions, go to detox to share your story with others. Get in the middle of the boat, per-say.” Set goals to accomplish that are fulfilling to you. Work the 12 steps with all your heart, leave nothing uncovered where shame can get a strong-hold.
Addiction “cunning baffling and powerful” they say. Well it’s no longer baffling. Make no mistake you were programmed to become an addict or alcoholic. I know I was.
Shame is at the core; it drives us to isolate and puts us humans on the defensive. Put one foot in front of the other. Do Step Eleven and don’t stop doing it. Years pass quickly. I challenge you and myself to meditate 4 times a week and see where that gets us. So what I am suggesting here should supply both inner fulfillment and enlightenment.
If we lie still, chant a mantra of our choice. The demons (metaphor) will leave, they hate when we lie still and focus on finding our Higher Power. Or IT/HE/SHE finding us.
Meetings every day or two a day.