It’s no wonder most people fear showing their true self even to their most intimate fellows, with everyone else hiding behind the mask of ego and the bravado of “it’s all good” the man who is truly self-aware
It’s no wonder most people fear showing their true self even to their most intimate fellows, with everyone else hiding behind the mask of ego and the bravado of “it’s all good” the man who is truly self-aware
Fourth Step Resentment. How do I get over a resentment? It is easy for people to say “GET OVER IT!” And peer down on us because we have a resentment. But what is the fourth step process by which we actually have God remove it?
I went to see Father Martin speak. He agreed to shake hands after the speaker meeting. But then after the meeting he was nowhere to be found. I get a profound and long term resentment toward him for this. Here is how I handle it with God’s help.
I used to revel in the fact that addiction is hereditary, genetic even. I used to be conformed to the idea since addiction is genetic it relieves me of all responsibility and renders me powerless over the past, present, and future. I thought I had to pick up. I thought I had no choice. I was compelled and even after years of sobriety I was convinced that I was basically a victim of the DISEASE of addiction. And that I also would require treatment for that addiction the rest of my life. Furthermore I was conditioned in AA to call myself a never-ending “alcoholic/addict” and if I ever thought I was getting well I was in grave danger of relapse and highly delusional.
Well it’s no wonder I adhered so staunchly to such precepts considering I do come from a long line of addicts. These ideals relived me of much guilt. I was finally able to put a “why” on my torn personality. And torn it was, fighting itself to not do what I was compelled at the time to do.
So what changed? What happened? Why do I now believe that my addiction was not cause by some obscure gene pool swimming around in my DNA. Why now do I believe it was nurture or more appropriately a lack of emotional nurturing which caused my sickness? Well it’s like this, after ten years of prayer, meditation, meetings, and a year of very enlightening therapy I have realized the true “why” behind my drinking and drugging. Not only that, I also believe most people drink and drug for pretty much the same reasons I did. Reasons being 1.Shame, 2.pain, 3. an inability to process and deal with feelings. 4. fear of feeling feelings. 5. And finally a lack of God in my life.
Once I cried and screamed out the core issues from childhood which haunted me and were so, so painful I was able to quit being so afraid of my feelings. Once I worked step 12 for so long I gained true self worth. Once I realized God really does have my back and finalized my step three my fears were lessened. Once I learned how to use a fourth step to my advantage including the “fear list” which people seldom talk about anywhere in AA. Not to mention once I saw the popular misconceptions and scare methodologies in AA and moved away from such precepts of bondage I realized, I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. And I always had a choice. I am not some genetic victim who needs AA for the rest of my life. Furthermore that is NOT what is taught in the Big Book nor was AA ever intended to be a life-long dependency.
Oh yes I see the old timers sitting around in meetings talking about how they are just as close to a drink than anyone and that they are still so, so sick. Well true if we don’t do the work both step work, spiritual work, and therapy work yes we will always have no advantages over the wet drunk off the street. But if a man has done the work in these three areas and still considers himself as sick as the foggy eyed newly sober man, then he is a dry drunk and has done nothing to allow himself to heal. And if we have truly worked the program for a number of years and are no better off than the new-comer who has done no work and has no knowledge of the twelve steps then that speaks for itself a program which is basically worthless. To say I am still sick is to say the program does not work and my spiritual condition benefited nothing from steps 3 and eleven. These dogmatic concepts are clearly “false humility” at work. It is both dishonest and a false testament to lie about the progress which AA provides. It is clearly rampant false humility to pretend we are in a no better position than the new comer.
Furthermore what man sits in meeting after meeting swearing that someone other than himself “is the most important one in the room”? More bullshit clearly or am I the only one who goes to AA for his own sobriety? I have no control over the new comer and he is not more important than me, sorry. Really?
It’s a choice and I choose to be well. http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/addict-gene/
Hi! My name is Laura Edgar and I am a writer. My passion is to write about the changes I myself have experienced and just how they came about. In “Paradise for the Hellbound” the book, I tell this story. My book also addresses many spiritual and religious topics of which I have experience with.
I don’t think I or anybody should try to write a book about something they know nothing about. I know about and have experienced profound changes in my lifetime. I also write about emotional issues and how to get past fear, emotional pain, stress, depression, panic attacks, and addictions.
Change can come to any of us if we do the work to get the results. When it comes to addictions, if we simply write off our issues as hereditary and non-environment connected then we have little chance of changing. We may stand firm in our denial and take no responsibility what-so-ever for our addictive tenancies. We simply blame our emotional condition on an obscure gene pool. Most addicts find for themselves it’s easier to blame our behaviors on a genetic twist of events rather than emotionally traumatic circumstances. Simply put, it takes too much work we think to delve into the origin of past hurts and pains. Not to mention our primal natures bent on protecting the pack (mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, etc) are so strong protective ideologies step in where enlightenment is scratching and clawing to get out and our true hearts are desperately yearning to be heard. And then there’s the false pride screaming at the door of truth shaming us into submission. “Don’t share that truth!” our false pride screams. “If you share that truth no one will Love you. For sure, everyone will make fun of you if you express any kind of hurt or need.” So says our false pride. Yes our own intellectual false pride is at war with our true and feeling heart.
Our own intellect condemns what our heart wants to speak. Our intellect calls our heart “weak” and “needy” because it wants its truth to be heard and it needs to be loved for who it is.
We have learned through conditioning as adolescents that our truth is wrong and bad. That even we ourselves are wrong and bad. So we continue to stifle and repress every authentic truth that springs from our heart.
We submerge ourselves into our left brain where we don’t have to fear feelings like hurt and neglect. We go to the place which we know is safe from prying eyes that would tell us we are wrong. In our left brain exercises we are safe.
And be sure…our left brain artistic activities do soothe us and protect us from the pains of rejection and inferiority. However our activities are but a band-aid for the original wound that begs to be expressed so it can finally heal. Until we go back into the past and become a vulnerable child. A child who DOES care what other people thinks of her. A child who is allowed to say she is hurt and cries. A child who looks at her friends and says “I want you to like me” a child who wants to be thought of as good and is GOOD. Yes until we allow that child who craves mommies love and daddies attention to have her voice. Until we let our heart have it’s voice all our efforts of distraction are merely a band-aid on a wound forever seeping. Our emotional pain without a voice will stay infected. And many times the infection will come out sideways onto those we love the most, those we have no intention of hurting.
Are Spirit Guides good or bad?
“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscience contact with God as we understood Him. Praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
If we meditate regularly we will progress spiritually and emotionally. Meditation is a way to get to know ourselves at a much deeper level. It also helps us improve our relationship with God. And if we keep it up we will most likely have visions, revelations, and enlightenment. There is also a good chance we will meet our fellowship in another realm (dimension).
Why do certain religious sects believe if you meditate and see your Spirit Guides then you are deceived by Satan. And that all guides are evil. Why wouldn’t God give us blessed entities to help us? Why is it so hard to believe in other good Spirits besides Jesus, God, Angels, Satan, and demons? The only thing I can figure out is closed mindedness, dogma, and teachings that have been passed from generations to generations which dictate Spirit guides are evil. But the Bible says even we will do miracle’s. Even Jesus said “the miracles I do you will do also and even more”.
“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the WORKS that I do he will do also; and GREATER WORKS than these he will do, because I go to My Father.”
The Jewish leaders told Jesus he was working for Satan when he cast out demons and this is what he said.
“And knowing their thoughts Jesus said to them, Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself will not stand. 26 If Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself; how then will his kingdom stand?”
So if my Spirit Guides teach me the 12 Principles, Love, peace, and goodwill how is that evil? My counselor says that those who preach against Spirit Guides are just scared of us going to Hell. Well maybe.
Here’s a link to a more positive description of Spirit Guides.
Many Christians have been taught to fear Satan and to see him in every supernatural occurrence in life. For many religious folks it’s easier to believe a miracle of Satan than a miracle of God. Many Bible Christians don’t believe in the gifts of healing, tongues, deliverance, prophecies, or even resurrection, and reincarnation. To the dogmatic and fearful all miracles are of Satan or not at all. All this belief in spite of what the Bible says:
But here is their own Bible telling them of both good Spirits of God and bad spirits.
First John 4:1
“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God;”
Hebrews Chapter 12 Is written about the difference between the old and new covenants. From the Ten Commandments and a story of punishment and sin to the gospel of Jesus and the precepts of Love. The law of Moses and the Ten commandments represented by Mount Sinai to the story of forgiveness and salvation represented by Mount Zion (Sion).
So what then is the Bible talking about when it mentions “Spirits of just men made perfect”? Many Christians do not realize that once we pass away we will still have jobs to do. Granted I suppose some people will just retire into a life of paradise and complacency…but I doubt that everyone will; otherwise how would The Kingdom of God progress lest we do a little more work? Being a Spirit Guide to a struggling human could be a job many of us would be quite good at.
WHAT IT WAS LIKE
I know what it’s like to be torn in two. Half of me desperately wanting to be sober and clean. The other half tearing at me convinced that I am a slave to drugs and that I have no choice in the matter…I must use. In this case it might have been better to have NO CONSCIENCE WHAT SO EVER. But I could not tear the very heart of me out and replace it with a sober emotionally balanced and spiritually grounded heart.
I was squittled. It seemed there was nothing I could do. I was a slave to crack, methadone, morphine, cigarettes, alcohol and an emotional & mental mess I might add. Denial was the closest thing to peace of mind that I had. But denial was the counterfeit of Peace.
On good Friday 2006 I was walking on the sidewalk when I got stopped by a cop. I was in a county called “GilChrist”. I had no idea it was Good Friday until the cop threw me in jail because of warrants. Warrants I was also unaware of. I was lost. I screamed at the cop all the way to jail.
As I sat in the holding cell I prayed to God; “please lesson the withdraw symptoms” The withdraw wasn’t nearly as bad as it should have been. After about two weeks in jail my decrepit mind began to realize what I had done with my life. The guilt in me for neglecting my nine year old daughter still eats at my heart. Even after doing a step nine with her and all the rest of the steps.
I don’t know if a mother’s brand of guilt ever really goes away totally. If I had a million dollars I would buy her the world to make up for my horrible horrible behavior. Even though my crack days were limited to about a year on and off. If was the second worst drug of them all. I was unavailable and when I did have my daughter I exposed her my addiction. Clearly injecting Cocaine was the most horrific drug abuse. It left me a basket case of panic attacks and shadows of experiencing the deepest fear you can ever imagine. Those days ended in my twenties, way before I had my daughter. I could not keep that up. It’s a whole other story for another day.
My head cleared up. I prayed allot. I remembered the first time I had gotten sober for a very long time due to a spiritual experience. I had sought God in a little Baptist church in the meadow. The pasture was a sweet old man. There was also a minister woman. She put her hand on my chest where all my pain lived as I was leaving the Sunday morning service. She said; “God has something for you, come to the evening service”. And so I did, and I received prayer and the laying on of hands from five or six Christian believers.
I recieved the Holy Spirit that night. The story is in my book “Paradise for the Hellbound” I spent a year as a student with that women Sister Petty. She taught me allot. There is also an article about my overdose here which lead me to seek God. .
Back to 2006
Between my first spiritual experience back in 1989 and my second stay in rehab, in 2006 and Alcoholics Anonymous I was finally able to release most of my fear and pain. But I spent a year in therapy. The right therapy. It also changed me for the better. Honestly one touch from God made me a different person. Morally I was changed for ever. Seek God my friend. Seek with every fiber of your being. God out into the world and follow your heart. God to the church that draws you in. And it will if you listen to the still small voice. GOD DELIVERS HIS CHILDREN FROM BONDAGE ALL THE TIME WE JUST HAVE TO SEEK HIM. SAY JESUS’ NAME ALOUD AND GIVE THANKS OVER AND OVER.. I found that the laying on of hands in prayer is magical. Working the 12 steps is miraculous as well but in a different way. Every addict should go to therapy for at least a year in my opinion. When they get sober I mean.
WHAT IT’S LIKE NOW
When I got out of two months in jail and thirty days of rehab I began my knew life. I raised my daughter in loving environment for the next eight years till she grew up and moved out. I made amends. I took meetings into the very jail I got sober in. I shared my experience strength and hope with the women for two years straight before I got service burn out. I started a successful business. I wrote a book and published it. I have been in a good relationship for ten years. I have been sober nearly ten years also. I have been healed by writing, sharing, prayer, meditation, telling my story, chairing meetings, doing step four and five over and over. I love my life for the first time ever.
But without Jesus, God, I am hopeless. Call your God by any name. Names are not important but seeking is. And seeking is done by the heart and the footwork.
The Big Book is in the public domain. Therefore when Amazon sells it Amazon gets the money not World Services.
After much study and research I have concluded this article I found online is the best one on the topic of The Big Book, it’s profits, and it’s copyright laws. Editions One & Two are in the public domain. That’s why Amazon and other book manufacturers are selling it at full profit. Meaning AA gets nothing from the sales. There are a few theories as to why AA failed to renew it’s copyrights. Read the article.
Is the Big Book Shrinking?
By Meg Williams 07/09/13
The Big Book remains the place to find AA’s program of recovery. But thanks to competing publishers and free apps, literature revenues are falling. Is there anything World Services can do?
Will AA’s publishing revenues soon become small beer? Photo via
When the 63rd General Service Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous met this April, the delegates representing AA groups from the US and Canada passed a motion to allow AA World Services (AAWS) to “use commissioned online stores to sell and distribute digital AA literature.”
AA literature is already widely available on the web. This includes the AA website’s links to the current edition of Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. But other vendors also publish editions of the Big Book online, downloadable for free or for a nominal charge. At this point, AAWS has already lost considerable business to these other publishers. Many would ask, “Why is AA allowing this?” The answer: AA has no legal recourse to stop it.
Individual AA members must choose whom to pay for the Big Book, if they choose to pay at all.
The first edition of Alcoholics Anonymous has been public domain since 1967, when AA failed to renew its copyright on the text. AA also failed to renew the copyright on the second edition, causing it to lapse in 1983. In both cases, most sources say that AAWS failed to act simply because of a lack of understanding of the applicable copyright laws.
Of course, other theories have been proposed. Some suggest that AA let the copyright lapse to dodge any liability resulting from the fact that Bill Wilson claimed he was the only author at the time the Big Book was first copyrighted. (Other people are known to have written portions of the book, including “To Employers” and “The Doctor’s Opinion,” for example.) Moving these works into public domain then re-copyrighting the third edition and not claiming that Bill Wilson was the only author would prevent anyone from suing AA over the original copyright. These same sources add that AA’s General Service Office (GSO) claimed to misunderstood the law in order to hide its true motives. This theory needs to be qualified by saying that these sources seem to have a bone to pick with AA in general. They present evidence to support their claims; however, it is very difficult to confirm its veracity, due to the lack of documentation available to the public from the AA’s service structures.
Whatever its reasons, this apparent oversight has caused a considerable headache for AAWS and the GSO as a whole, because a large part of their budget comes from literature sales. The projected net income from sales for the year of 2013 was $7,782,800. This figure represents profits after subtracting all costs for royalties, manufacturing and shipping. This money was expected to cover 54% of GSO’s expenses for 2013. The 2013 gross income was budgeted at $95,000 less than 2012—showing a decline in sales, though not a steep one. GSO hoped to compensate by reducing production and distribution costs in order to increase the profit margin.
Although the current laws would have extended the copyright until at least 2021, AAWS must adhere to the laws that were in place when the first and second editions were published. The applicable law, the 1909 Copyright Act, dictates that copyrights must be renewed in writing after 30 years. International copyright laws, on the other…read more at “The Fix”
I validated the claims of this article by researching all day. Here are some of the verifications.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/fair-use-policy What happened to the triangle in the circle?
WE DO NOT HAVE TO STAY IN DENIAL ABOUT OUR DEFECTS OF CHARACTER, WE DO NOT TAKE INVENTORY TO BEAT OURSELVES UP. WE DEVELOPED OUR CHARACTER DEFECTS AS AN INSTINCT TO SURVIVE EMOTIONALLY. WE NOW HAVE THE TOOLS TO CHANGE…BUT FEW CHANGES WILL COME WITHOUT COURAGEOUS SELF-APPRAISAL.
Most parents don’t have any idea what emotional nurturing is. First instinct when we hear this parental blight is to protect the pack. The pack are usually the very people (family) who inadvertently taught us to shut down who we really are. Grave emotional disorder is at the core of addictive personalities. “Grave disorder(How it Works)” is basically constipated and stifled emotions. We addicts often learned how not to cry and how not to share our heart. We learned to wear a mask and hide who we are so we wouldn’t get hurt. So we thought. If your emotions are healthy and happy then why in the hell did you try to drink and drug yourself to death? Come on now. Oh right you did it because of an innate gene pool. Well then for you there could be no cure. But for those of us who have learned a twisted set of emotional responses and survival tactics. We can unlearn them. You can’t swim your way out of a gene pool.
We in AA have identified an array of character defects that are the culprits of our addictive patterns. Among these are the inclination to control everyone and everything around us. Some of us are painfully controlling while others are more passive-aggressive with their scheming. Our defects cause friends and family to run from us like we are ravenous wolves.
Some of us have learned to use other people’s control defect to our advantage. We can passively control others by handing over a certain amount of our own power to them.
Ah yes how we can puff up a gentlemen’s ego by asking him to make our choices for us. Handing over our decision making is a perfect way for a damsel to relinquish responsibility for any consequences of that decision. At the same time, it makes our Knight in shining armor feel so powerful and smart that he is more than willing to help us. The problem is the Knight is weaving his own manipulation, there are many invisible strings attached to his assistance.
When we snatch our power back and the knight inevitably becomes disturbed we will just label him possessive and take out a restraining order. Yikes! Don’t try this at home!
The damsel and the gentlemen is just one example of controlling behavior. We have all seen those who are painfully controlling, they are the one’s running around like directors on a movie screen. When the movie doesn’t play out like they want it to, they promptly fall apart or get very angry and spin around a bit screaming and yelling. Take controlism up another notch and you have obsessive compulsive disorder.
The fact is if resentment is rearing its ugly head you can bet there is a fear at the heart of it. (Pg.417 BB) Getting in touch with one’s own “God syndrome” is important during a fourth step. Once we have established the identity of our controlling side we can use that knowledge in all our tenth steps. Contrary to popular portrayal in The Rooms resentments do crop up and it doesn’t mean we are not “working a program”. People can be ass-holes and they are going to piss us off. Getting a resentment lets us know we are still [feeling] and still sober. Holding on to resentment is dangerous and can result in misery if not checked.
Finding the part of us who wants to play god doesn’t happen for everybody. Some sober people just never get it…the blame game worked for them for so long they are just incapable of trying a healthy solution. You will find them engaging in numerous sick relationships with train wreck break-ups that are never their fault.
The steps are in order for a reason meaning the third step must be done before a fourth will have that supernatural kick. With God’s help the revelation of self will happen during our fourth step.
If we realize our resentments are rooted in wanting to control other adults and the fear that accompanies a of lack of power pg. 45 Big Book then join the club, but consider yourself blessed you already know yourself better than many
Oprah sits down with award-winning filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg to discuss his time-lapse nature photography and the inherent spirituality revealed through nature. Louie, whose TED talk on gratitude has been viewed more than 6 million times, captures breathtaking images on film that are often unseen by the naked eye and that celebrate the gift of life.
As Oprah and Louie view some of his most magnificent work, they discuss how nature can act as one of our greatest spiritual teachers. A firm believer that beauty is nature’s tool for survival, Louie also shares how the awe of seeing nature can make one more present and mindful and can help us connect to our inner voice. By allowing viewers to see that which can’t be seen, Louie hopes to cultivate gratitude and an awareness that nature is a reflection of the human experience.