Men in Sobriety

Maybe I am wrong about men by Brenda Lane

Perhaps men don’t have to have a healthy emotional process like the women I am close to need.  Maybe they don’t need to address their childhood trauma or the reasons for self-loathing that they try to mask over.  Also maybe they will need meetings the rest of their lives if they don’t adapt a healthy emotional process and let the little scared man out of the proverbial yellow metallic box they have stuck him in.  On Facebook I share articles about emotional healing and get bashed by men who claim they have no need for emotional tools.  They mock me.  And they call me names because I post emotional solutions to addiction that go beyond their shallow and counterfeit USDA status quo brand of recovery.  This is for you Mr. Meanie. Do men in A.A. ever really address their core reasons for using? Do they ever really expose the scared and vulnerable little man inside? Or do they latch on to the textbook surface reasons to drink and drug and run with them? It’s self-centeredness by god! Wait no it’s “self-will run riot” ya that one is acceptable to our peers. We are allowed to be that person to be accepted. We are supposed to become who we really are in recovery not become some fear based picture that we draw about ourselves because we believe then people will like us all the while swearing off the normal social cares for reputation and peer pressures that all humans feel unless they be sociopath. What about the little man inside who is battered and hurt? What about the shame and inferiority the addict feels. Shame is responsible for the “fear of people” Bill W revealed to us. It’s nearly impossible for some men to get in touch with his weaker more vulnerable side. They have been programmed to hide it. They would rather fight a war than look their own inner child in the face. After all with names like “chicken shit” and “pu**y” and “yellow belly” ingrained in their little souls they could never get to the profoundly afraid little man they cover up so adamantly. “Shame” you say? “I don’t do shame ever!” Hell no! So they use the textbook answers printed by a man who was so depressed for so long that he tried LSD repeatedly as a cure rather (and after years sober none the less) than to become vulnerable emotionally.  (Bill Wilson put his history in print.)  With the textbook reasons for insanity offered to men they can receive the validation they so badly (don’t know they) need. Well do your work under the title of “emotional sobriety” Mr. Rage that one is accepted by your manly peers. The most emotionally healthy men in AA that I know have had extensive therapy where they DID address their core issues. And “in weakness WE ARE MADE STRONG” (1st Cor. 12:9  quoted by Apostle Paul as the words of Jesus).    Or you could just continue with your sex addiction and screw the inner man. But what happens if sex becomes unavailable?

Similar article-men get therapy too.